Anyways, I hope you don’t hate me when you find this. I shouldn’t be writing it but I just wanted to vent somewhere.
My thoughts are just ??? as always. They’re gonna be for a long time. I’ve relied on you for so long to keep myself going and wanting to work towards things. There were times where I thought fuck, it’s time to start doing this for myself, but I didn’t like it as much cause I don’t like myself.
I know we talked about it, but Jesus fuck. Everything got flipped around so quick. Day 1 it was back to kissy lovey stuff and it was very nice. We were genuinely happy to talk to each other. Day 18-19 ? And we’re breaking up again. I realize why we did this time and why it’s good that we’re breaking up for good. I just listened to the vocaroo finally and it made me feel a certain way. It’s been slightly crushing my heart. Not as bad as it’s been before, but just knowing it’s over is it’s own kind of sad. I get why everything happened this way and it sucks. We dragged this along for 3 years, holy shit. I won’t say I regret it, but there’s a big, edgy tear in my heart cause of it. No doubt.
I shouldn’t have done what I did, but rofl I got rid of someone who actually liked me LOL though honestly making it work with that person would have been worse. Still, I shoved them aside and that was SO fucked up. Feels bad, but I’ve had a shitty 2 weeks in return so it’s okay. Karma.
I had really great times and my heart felt really good. I wanna find someone when I get my shit together who will give me as much joy as you did. Maybe even more eyes emoji eyes emoji who mf knows. Anyways, I know you like someone else and I’m happy for you. I hope it goes well with you, cause I’ve always known that our personalities didn’t match. I was too much of a bitch, and I felt like I’d had such bad history that you’d never look at me with respect. It’s okay though.
Things are looking up for me now, for once. Didn’t think I’d bounce back after you left, but I’m cool now. I wanna get back to 170 and do really well at my new job. I’m so excited to start.
P L A S M A B O Y S
Okay, well I guess this is it. I hope you don’t see this for a while cause it’s only been like 2 days I think. Idk I can’t keep track of time. Don’t hate me too much.