Feeling like this guy today. Just wanted to vent to you here cause this is 2 much.
Idk what I’m doing wrong. I’ve been in this position before but I don’t recall it being this bad. I grew up a long time ago, and believe me I still have A WAYS to go, but I think I’m at the point where I have passable judgement. I’m just feeling like an idiot rn.
Sometimes I have this fire in me and it drives me to do things, but my mental problems just cloud over it and it’s so hard to get through. I literally don’t know what to do. Though I hate to be the person that makes their shitty problems the reasons to not get shit done. It’s so weak.
I’d like to think that it isn’t even my lifestyle that’s bringing me down, cause I’ve had way worse. I know there are people way worse off. I am grateful for what I have.
I just feel like the longer this goes, the less stable I am. Last year this would have been an ideal setup, if anything. I would have loved this. Idk where the time goes.
I wanna seek help, but then I can’t accomplish the plans I’ve been throwing around. I really want to follow through. Just don’t want to be dq’d for some dumb problems with my head.
For a while I started to think that this is a phase I’d grow out of, but it hasn’t happened yet. My thoughts are so shitty and my patience is nonexistent. I used to be able to deal with shitty people at work with ease. I’m still good at it, but I know I’m weaker cause I feel shitty afterwards now. It throws me off.
I’m about to complete my first month !! I’ve been told that I’m doing really well and I’m fast. It makes me feel good, I guess. Like I matter as a part of the team. Though I don’t really agree. I am really disoriented at many points during the day. I just want to be here long enough to where I can transfer. I hate California. I hate it here so much and I wanna get my shit straight and never move back here.
Feels like I can’t catch a break lately. I know mindset is the key to everything. I just can’t help but have shitty times. I was looking forward to today cause I haven’t done shit lately and we had planned a week or so ago that we’d all go to Disney today!! Unfortunately that didn’t last long and we didn’t even make it onto the shuttle. Great. Anyways, I think I’m done. I’m so in my head idek what I’m saying.
I’m looking forward to us hanging out again. We hang out once a year usually, but it’s not looking too certain this year. I’ll see you when you get time off from training and school. I wonder where we’ll go. It’s gonna be somewhere awesome.