20% cooler!

Join a laid-back, close-knit community of mixed interests Get a free account!

  1. Tell me about your dating life


    #1149032018-10-17 18:32:27DictatorHilton said:

    It's October.

    The weather's getting colder and thus people are retreating to the warmth and safety of their homes. Suddenly your favorite pubs aren't jam-packed and the club events are getting fewer and farther apart. But most noticeably, everyone suddenly seem to have a beau to curl up with in the cold. It's cuffing season and boy, whoever first said spring is the season of love clearly hadn't lived through a '10s fall.

    Are you currently seeing anyone? Multiple ones? A Singular one? Tell me everything.

    What channels do you utilize in your personal quest to find ~the one~/someone to warm your bed/a summer (or fall!) fling? Is swiping away on tinder your thing or are you more old school? Or maybe you're happily single and not actively searching. That's cool too.

    How has your dating life been? Whether it has resulted in a string of exes, few but long relationships or been non-existent I want to know.

    Happy cuffing season ♥

  2. #1149112018-10-18 08:33:20DarkChaplain said:

    Or maybe you're happily single and not actively searching. That's cool too.

    Hell yeah. Who needs 3D, anyway? :^)

    Also, Steve is a dumbass.

  3. #1149122018-10-18 09:51:28shafnat said:

    in love-hate relationship with my single ass bcs sometimes it's amazing to have less responsibility to always be "in touch" with someone else but sometimes it's lonely af.

    but i tend to stay single, if i have to choose now. about warming me up i don't think it's necessary in this tropical hot damn country but if it's really needed i still have a cat to hug.

  4. #1149162018-10-18 15:12:39 *BakaHime said:

    My past 12 years of roaming this Earth lead me to deciding that I hate marriage and that it's a social construct to shove couples into the deepest depths of debt and suffering and dating's for chumps. Even after going through a shoujo manga phase (lowkey not all too crazy anymore coz I already read and, if not, am reading every good fucking one out there) dating sounds and seems like utter hell.

    I will continue to push away all advances and stay true to celibacy.

  5. #1149172018-10-18 21:00:42Taro_Tanako said:

    Too busy/tired/stressed for cuffing. Is it just me or does it use too much emotional energy to pair off and still remain a good other half? Also, I seem to be far too interested in complicated people...this sucks as it ends up meaning more effort and more stress.

  6. #1149282018-10-19 08:16:49DictatorHilton said:

    @Taro_Tanako

    Is it just me or does it use too much emotional energy to pair off and still remain a good other half?

    I've felt that way as well so you're definitely not alone. But I'd like to think it's because I wasn't in the right place at that time. Too many things going on and I barely had the energy to deal with myself. I mean, that's not really an optimal time to bring someone else into your life.

    So hey, maybe there's nothing wrong with us personally. It's might just be the circumstances

  7. #1151062018-10-30 22:19:13Taro_Tanako said:

    @DictatorHilton You're probs right there. I think it is totally circumstancial and may even be a sign we're not totally broken that we actually care enough to not subject someone else to that. Besides, it's nice to sometimes wallow in a little selfishness from time to time and not stress about another thing that could go wrong.

    Right now, I quite like being unattached and actively being so. The world of couples looks a little different as an observer...

  8. #1149232018-10-19 06:27:05 *EvoRulz said:

    In primary school, dated soph for 7 months.

    Loved a certain redhead since i met her in 2011 but she thought of me as a younger brother and has a boyfriend anyway.

    Had a toxic downward spiral of maybe 5 relationships, don't really need to name names as that might be awkward for some people, that i should have cared more about, for 2-3 years.

    Now it's been a year since I've been in a relationship, and I don't plan on dating again any time soon unless i meet someone who changes my mind, I'm not actively looking.

    I like this thread idea tbh, it's pretty simple to talk about when it's about offline things. nice one @DictatorHilton

  9. #1149272018-10-19 08:01:45DictatorHilton said:

    @EvoRulz

    <3

    5 in 2-3 years though! But I kinda get it? It's difficult going from being in a relationship to being single. You're not necessarily feeling lonely but certain things are just missing? Cue the rebound(s).

  10. #1149672018-10-23 02:46:27Rebel said:

    Been cuffed for 5 years now... Currently deciding/planning to pop the question... but am i ready for that life yo... idk

  11. #1150722018-10-28 18:09:33Rebel said:

    @EvoRulz haha you remembered :D And yes, that is still the same one, but now I'm cool with her parents so I dont need to sneaky sneak anymore. And turns out her mom already knew what i was doing xD... Mothers and their detective shizzzz

  12. #1149822018-10-24 09:32:32--Jack-- said:

    Disappointment mostly. People seem to be too immature or don't know what they want. Also communication. Just nut the fuck up and say how you feel to people.

  13. #1149842018-10-24 16:20:24Sage_Phantomhive said:

    @DarkChaplain You don't know anything about my relationship other than what I said. I've been with him for a long time because I love him as a person. Not because I care that much about my sex life. It's a topic that frustrates me which is why I posted it on this forum. You should have debated with yourself a little longer about posting that.

  14. #1149872018-10-24 17:32:19DictatorHilton said:

    @Sage_Phantomhive

    Don't let people shame you for feeling this way. Sexually unfulfilling but loving relationship are a definitely a thing and complicated to deal with. You don't just stop wanting a good dicking just because you're in love with someone who can't give you that

  15. #1149912018-10-24 20:35:40--Jack-- said:

    Sexual incompatibility is a seriously valid issue. Some people suck at it, some people want it more or less than you, and sometimes you aren't compatible with someone else. I got out of my last relationship because I didn't fit with how they were at all. Being single is miles better than living in a constantly unfulfilling slog.

  16. #1149922018-10-24 20:40:41Sage_Phantomhive said:

    @DictatorHilton Thanks for the understanding. Yeah I really do love him very much. We've been together for a long time and usually I just get over the whole sex thing in ways like obviously using my hand for one lol But sometimes I get frustrated that it's always mediocre. But for the record, I was his first girlfriend and the second person he's ever slept with. He doesn't really have any experience and he doesn't really try to get better. I will never have another connection with anyone else this strong so I get passed it . I remember when I was younger, I had a really great sex life so to go from a great sex life to a terrible one is tough. Actually, it's never been that tough. Just lately, my friends have been talking a lot about their sex lives and I kind of get jealous.

  17. #1149942018-10-24 20:46:03Sage_Phantomhive said:

    @--Jack-- I've actually heard lots of stories on an app called Eve. Girls talk about their sex lives all the time on there and I was actually surprised to see that this is a common problem. I've been with him for 7 years now though. It's been a really long time and I have no intention of leaving him. He's a really great guy and really nice. His issue is that he's only slept with one other person. He doesn't have experience at all and is really shy so he has no intention of getting better. It sucks but I've delt with it. But I know a lot of people that would totally not deal be able to live with this forever. I think if I've been able to stick around for this long, sex seems to have come in second for me. It's just frustrating sometimes.

  18. #1149952018-10-24 20:52:51Kinnear said:

    Please avoid replying to people in a new post if it's not necessary to do so. You can reply to a post by clicking on the date stamp, if you didn't know. :)

  19. #1149962018-10-24 21:01:10 *--Jack-- said:

    @Sage_Phantomhive Although it might be awkward, sex therapy is a real thing. That and making sure both of you open up about what you want/dont want in the bedroom. So many people get hung up on not wanting to give criticism, and not thinking they can take criticism from their SO.

    Also yeah, click on the date/time tag of a post to subpost underneath it like we've been doing. It just makes things flow easier.

  20. #1149972018-10-24 21:32:53 *DarkChaplain said:

    @Sage_Phantomhive
    So basically... you're complaining about his lack of sleeping around beforehand to gather experience, experience which he has to gain one way or another, and could make with you. Heck, he SHOULD have gained that experience with you. So why hasn't he? Why have you been together for seven years without tackling this issue in earnest and working through it as a couple. @--Jack-- raises a valid point with the sex therapy suggestion - it's a thing, and it's a thousand times more helpful than dreaming of other dicks.

    I'll put it straight: His sexual shortcomings are not simply his own responsibility. They are yours, too. Your posts put a lot of blame on your partner for his life choices / lack of initiative, when honestly, sex is not a solo game. It does not compute that you, with your fantastic past sex life and lots of experience would be unable to show him the ropes for seven entire years. I get the frustration, trust me, but this isn't something complaining on the Internet will fix - proper communication and actual work put into improving things together will. No, I'm not talking about complaining to him for sucking at it, or ignoring the issue for seven fucking years while feeling sexually frustrated.

    Honestly, I highly doubt your partner would stick with you for seven years if he wasn't generally happy with you and the relationship, and unwilling to put in the effort required to make you happy in return, as you imply by saying he does not try or has no intention of getting better. You might not see it, but you're basically brushing away the problems in your shared bedroom as his fault, at least in your posts. That simply cannot be the case. I can give you the benefit of doubt, being frustrated isn't exactly the best feeling for self-reflection, of course. But maybe step back from stating online, publicly for all to see, that you crave to screw other people, and try fixing what you got. And for that, communication is key. Not with strangers on the Internet, but with your loving partner. If he stumbles, it's your responsibility to pick him up and show him the way, just as it should be the other way around.

    Right now, you're only coming across as a bloody martyr, content with passing the blame along, while priding yourself on "having dealt with it" for seven years. I have experience with martyrdom, of course, and it can be quite cathartic in its own way, but my god, get off your high horse and work on your sodding relationship if you intend to keep it. Shit like that is fixable, given time and working hand in hand. Heck, I have had friends over the years who went to take BDSM classes with their partners to learn the ropes and improve their sex lives and fulfill each other's wishes. Sex therapy, as Jack mentions, may be embarrassing at first, but if nothing else works, that shit might.
    Do something to fix that shit instead of waiting for him to have an epiphany out of the fucking blue. Otherwise I can only see you either breaking up before long, or cheating while keeping it from him.

    ....or maybe he's just gay. Not too unlikely, looking at how you depict him for us.... Wouldn't blame the man, dealing with that pressure.

    I'm honestly trying to be constructive here, instead of firing off nukes, by the way. Appreciate it.

  21. #1149982018-10-24 23:07:39DictatorHilton said:

    @DarkChaplain

    You raise some good points, like how communication is key and everything, but you're also making a ton of assumptions. You don't actually know what kind of effort Phantom has made to try to fix this. I somehow doubt that she slept with him once, found out that he's terrible at it and just lied down and accepted her fate.

    And honestly I feel that it's ridiculous to blame her for his sexual shortcomings. Like, who's even okay with not being able to make their partner cum? Why hasn't she seen any effort from him? Because if you ask me it doesn't take a sexpert to figure out that your partner isn't getting off and that you need to (or more importantly, want to) switch things up in order to fix that.

    I'm no expert but it feels like there's a certain degree of indifference on both sides. But seven years without bothering to try and learn? I feel like that's way worse than ignoring your own sexual desires because you're so in love with this person. I've been in love and I would 100%, most definitely, without a doubt dump this person. Not because I'm not getting my nut but because he's proved that he doesn't care enough to try.

  22. #1150002018-10-25 01:25:11Farris said:

    @Sage_Phantomhive

    I don't wish you relationship to fail. I hope that your remarks earlier in this thread can be boiled down to one thing "you're not happy with your current sex-life". If this is the case then I hope you take up some of the more reasonable advice which has been given about trying to fix this problem in your relationship. Don't put the blame on him, this is not something he's happy with either. You have plenty of options to fix this problem within your current relationship.

    Consider this, if your SO found your posts on this forum, or whatever other places you've vented about this, how do you think he'd feel? It's better to talk about this issue with him, and find solutions with him, nothing good comes from avoiding this topic with him as long as it's bothering you.

  23. #1150022018-10-25 01:39:20Sage_Phantomhive said:

    @Farris Yes, they have given me decent advice except for that butthurt darkchaplain person. I can't bring myself to leave him. It's just been too long. But I have mentioned it to him many many times. He's just shy and doesn't put in effort. I suppose it's more complicated than a 1 sentence venting post. Also, he doesn't even know this forum exists. Forums in general aren't his thing.

  24. #1150122018-10-25 21:50:45c1arcy said:

    https://media1.tenor.com/images/d5a64536c94247c9f2c80e486861753e/tenor.gif?itemid=11355496

    Can I just make the point that it's not just his problem if the sex is bad? You have had SEVEN years to improve it with him. It's a two way street. If you're not enjoying yourself, you take the initiative to show him how its done and what you like. Sex with another person ain't gonna help you especially if you're not equally putting in the effort. It's an issue you both have to sort with yourselves. He might be inexperienced in the sense of he's only done it with another person but if you're having sex with him and you're not enjoying it, it's on you to tell him what you would like and it's on him to adhere as much as you have to listen to him too.

  25. #1150352018-10-26 16:50:43Wolfangle said:

    Idk how many girls its been from my first girlfriend at 12. It doesn't matter, like how I feel when I see non-goats

    https://i.imgur.com/HNYGH61.jpg

    Butt, the last 3 girls stuck out. All leaving me for someone else & avoiding the hell outa me. Apologizing almost year after when the guilt finally hits their brains. Not the last one tho, It's too early for her to notice :')

    So yea, everyone I date now, leaves me for someone else. Regrets it, but me forgetting how to love them to even make an attempt at getting back with them. And them living a happy better life after it all.

  26. #1150432018-10-26 22:38:39c1arcy said:

    My relationship just now is with a handsome guy that makes me smile ear to ear that pushes me to do things when I feel like I can't. We've been together for over a year now and we have had crazy arguments and really fun warming memories made together. We understand that relationships aren't all rainbows and magical sex - it usually is however for us since we have learned about each other and tell each other what we like and are honest with it. He's been there to pick me up and tell me when to stop feeling sorry for myself and I have been there to do the same. We love each other since we love the flaws we have just as much as the parts that flourish. We have agreed to be together until we aren't happy together but I realistically don't see that happening as every day even if he's being a tit, I'll always find something to love about him.

    For our anniversary, we went to Berlin. It was beautiful, we enjoyed our time together. It's super sappy but I loved every moment with him and experiencing something new. Here is a photo of us, very drunk, in a club, at 7AM.

    https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/44364900_2405698686124017_2535212469186461696_n.jpg?_nc_cat=108&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=63908b927f3c871e187c7f6babb10ce2&oe=5C52051C

    I think the insightful thing about relationships that I can tell anyone is -

    -be honest with yourself and the other person

    -learn how to be comfortable

    -understand your boundaries and their boundaries

    -compromise and commitment for one another is good

    -sharing dog memes to one another is essential

    -make sure they make you smile every day

    -selfless gestures for the other makes the other very happy and feel very loved

    https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/37352119_2245536318806922_3748804162125561856_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=569d37e5e32bc181c66b41604b5a45f5&oe=5C806E3F

    https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/28959122_2060903800603509_437566352528834854_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=6a55aaf7072b1b48c355eeb577677da9&oe=5C89B4E6

  27. #1150562018-10-27 15:27:45Sage_Phantomhive said:

    Okay, I'm basically going to make a very thorough reply so all of you jerks, and people giving advice, can see. My one sentence vent was not meant to draw this much attention because it shouldn't be that big of a deal to those who don't know me and this is a common problem among couples that obviously a lot of you haven't heard of. So let me be clear to you all. I have no intention of leaving someone simply because they aren't good at sex. To me at least, relationships are built on more than just sex. In other words, there are reasons that I've stuck around for this long. If some of you guys disagree, that's fine. It's honestly none of my business. Second, we have talked about this many times. At one point HE wanted to try an open relationship which, oddly enough, improved our relationship. However, HE also chose to close it because he just wanted it to be a simple relationship again. I agreed to these things to give him a chance to explore and maybe gain confidence. I think something that was important for me was for him is to gain confidence in himself. However, he is just a goofy, silly guy who can't take anything seriously. That is my favorite thing about him. But it unfortunately comes through during sex. And yes, it is frustrating and I miss experiencing other people sometimes, as I've mentioned, but I doubt other people could re-create the same connection me and him both have as a couple. My mistake was ultimately humoring some of you with other posts to get you guys off of my back. And some of you guys sound like little high school kids who have no idea how a real relationship even works. I have to wonder if any of you have even been in a relationship longer than 2 years. For those of you who have given advice, thank you. But with all due respect, we obviously differ when it comes to ideas on what to do in this type of situation. Also, I've decided to make this into a new post rather than reply to the main thread so that all of you can see. I've been trying to reply to the thread in a normal way but it won't allow this feature on my phone.

  28. #1150712018-10-28 18:03:50 *Rebel said:

    @Sage_Phantomhive sorry... i have little time to read all of this juicy argumentative posts.... but I'll just add this advice in and hope no one else said it already...

    Why not be honest with him and tell him you're a lil bored in the bed and wanna try new things (the things that you want that will make him not suck)... And move on from there always trying new things.... Instead of keeping it to your dam self making him feel like he's The BOSS after having sexual intercourse with you.

    What I've learn from being in a relationship is that being open and honest is one of the most important keys to any healthy relationship longevity.. So try it...

    (also... please listen to the rest of the peeps on the site continuously telling informing you about properly replying to someone's post by first pressing the time stamp next to the person's name that turns green when you hover over it and that should take you to a page with that comment alone and then scroll down to comment box and place your reply there and tag the person is needed as well)....

  29. #1150792018-10-29 16:41:43 *DarkChaplain said:

    @Sage_Phantomhive Jerk reporting in. I hear you, sweetheart.

    I can fully appreciate and approve of your desire to stay together and not break up over something like that. Kudos for that. It'd be damned awkward to do it after seven years anyway, I guess, but it's putting you in a better light that you're adamant about the feelings part, at least.

    What I do find strange is that on one hand, you say he doesn't really try to live up to your expectations banging, and has had one or two sexual partners before you, but he would also go as far as to suggest an open relationship for a while before realizing he's not comfortable with it after all.
    Isn't that mere suggestion basically purely for your benefit? Like, he doesn't seem to have been eager to take advantage of it, while he knew you were unhappy with him in the box. Seems to me like he's very aware of not making you happy / satisfying you properly, so he was looking for a way to allow you to get it elsewhere. To me, it seems like your hopes for him to gain experience and confidence outside of screwing you was a tad misguided, or maybe just too naive. He was hardly going to gain that advanced experience with random strangers, who he'd likely not even get into bed with if he's truly as shy and awkward as you make him out to be. The only real way to make those experiences and practice is with a partner who actually wants to go the mile together and patiently guide him, not some one night stand who expects top performance or figures she's wasted an evening or swipe on Tinder.

    But frankly, your post, while I applaud you for adamantly sticking with him and expressing your affection, is once again solely focused on his shortcomings, while noting none of your own. Why the hell is that? I'm being serious here, at no point have you been admitting even a shred of fault in this conundrum. Instead, you lash out at people, heap your lover with criticism, put the burden squarely on his shoulders and, yes, act like you deserve praise for some reason. Good on you for having a relationship for seven years and still recognizing the good points in him and the reasons you fell in love, but I'm honestly missing any sense of self-reflection in your posts. No MommyChaplain, I can do no wrong, it's somebody else's fault, always.

    Can you at least admit that you didn't handle things properly either and that after seven years, you shouldn't still be in this position? How come it is okay for you to enter an open relationship anyway? I assume you'd be happy to get that freedom back, though, judging by previous posts...