My mind wanders now, at this my highest moment, to the lowest time. I don't see my achievement, I see the hole. I've pulled my vices out of my mind, one by one. I can't decide if the pain of having them is worse than the realization of not. Lying to myself was easier, but I was small and weak.
I miss you B, though you will never read this, know that you helped me to heal in your own way. I wish when I had to go, you could have come with me. I had to walk away, for my own health, just like I have before. I miss you every day, you haunt me like he does.
Then there's my long lost sister Krimson. We both know you're nosy and may actually see this. You my love, I will love you forever, my first friend and one who I had to let go. I want to see how you are, I want to reach out. You hurt me like both of these men did, and I can't keep allowing the hurt in. I have to believe it's worth it let go. Believe me, I am selfish.
I miss each of you, and if you come back around with apologies, I'd cry with joy and welcome you in. I pray that you return to me, the right way.
Success means nothing if there's no one left to share it with, there are new friends, but I dream of sharing this moment with you, each of you.
With all my heart, and all my love
Gwynn, your tiger, your Miss Kitty
ρ, you are forgiven completely. Rest easy knowing I take responsibility for my own smallness, and lack. I forgive you, and have learned from our time together to never be that person again. That is not your failing, or mine; forgiveness was the first step to seeing my world for what it is, rather than what I wish it was. Again, you are completely forgiven ρ.