I fucking hate that you make me ride the guilt trip every fucking time, doing nice shit to me out of nowhere and expect me to show some sort of fucking gratitude and keep reminding me of how much of a hassle it is to make me "happy" . I know all of you take the fact that I have depression as a joke but ya'll decided to pull this retarded stunt AGAIN on MY BIRTHDAY ? my fucking birthday ? seriously ? Is it not satisfying for you to know that I celebrate birthdays alone by myself ever year that you HAD to fuck it up even more ?? First off , I didn't CHOOSE to be depressed, one day I had a nosebleed and a headache and the doctor told me that I was "thinking too much". Not a surprise when I have to figure out life ALONE. Second, you went on and did something nice to me, and when that "nice thing" you did did not vent you decided to put the blame on me because you fucked up. YOU are the one who decided to do said "NICE THING" for me and now you are blaming me because the end result isn't what its suppose to be ( no surprise when u decided to give 0 fucks at the first place) like im the source of your misery. That's just low and you've just won the best asshole award of the year AGAIN. Why I couldn't be more like him or more like her ? you know why ? Maybe it's the fact that I rarely go home cause I have a deadbeat dad and I'm living off my relative's money for like forever ? maybe it's the fact that I'm born a dysfunctional fucktard who is useless and constantly let people who "love" me down ? God knows I've tried, it's hard to be a socially impaired fuck who the only reason to live is to be a tool to everyone else. First thing in the morning after I wake up was to think about how am I gonna go against the world today. A little bit of encouragement and understanding would be helpful but who am I to ask for all these nice perks of life right, someone like me just doesn't deserved to be loved and even if I did , I'd have to show some fucking gratitude by stripping myself , bow down and give you a fucking blowjob with a "thank you" after im done. You are not so special , there is an industrial-sized number of people who wants to see me get hanged so get in line, from the "yes I knew he wouldn't amount to shit" to the "even if he does he got lucky". Even I was looked downed upon by others i refuse to live a sad life doing shit I don't like. That's what gave me my cold outlook and my "I give no fucks" attitude. You want me to be happy ? GTFO
My bloody sibling,
Go fuck yourself. The couch is mine.
The better one
You are the realest and I miss you (no homo). Hope we get to meet up soon.
My mind wanders now, at this my highest moment, to the lowest time. I don't see my achievement, I see the hole. I've pulled my vices out of my mind, one by one. I can't decide if the pain of having them is worse than the realization of not. Lying to myself was easier, but I was small and weak.
I miss you B, though you will never read this, know that you helped me to heal in your own way. I wish when I had to go, you could have come with me. I had to walk away, for my own health, just like I have before. I miss you every day, you haunt me like he does.
Then there's my long lost sister Krimson. We both know you're nosy and may actually see this. You my love, I will love you forever, my first friend and one who I had to let go. I want to see how you are, I want to reach out. You hurt me like both of these men did, and I can't keep allowing the hurt in. I have to believe it's worth it let go. Believe me, I am selfish.
I miss each of you, and if you come back around with apologies, I'd cry with joy and welcome you in. I pray that you return to me, the right way.
Success means nothing if there's no one left to share it with, there are new friends, but I dream of sharing this moment with you, each of you.
With all my heart, and all my love
Gwynn, your tiger, your Miss Kitty
ρ, you are forgiven completely. Rest easy knowing I take responsibility for my own smallness, and lack. I forgive you, and have learned from our time together to never be that person again. That is not your failing, or mine; forgiveness was the first step to seeing my world for what it is, rather than what I wish it was. Again, you are completely forgiven ρ.
I'm sorry that I can only stand by and do nothing. I'm sorry that I can't express this to you directly. Nevertheless, I hope you understand how thankful I am for all you do and that I don't take it for granted. You mean the world to me, and I love you so much.
Thanks for being in my life.
Please take good care of yourself!!
I'm glad if I can help, but am also sad that help was needed in the first place. Ideally, there'd be no need for any of it.
I miss you @yugure :>