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  1. My Midnight Battle with Maggots

    #322742012-07-07 06:28:36Forte_Sigma said:

    If you don't have anything better to should read my story. It's worth it.

    ...About an hour ago, I ventured into the kitchen. My brother was cleaning the kitchen and doing dishes, so I decided to aid him a bit and take out the garbage while I was upstairs. It has never been a difficult task to take out the garbage, and I needed a quick break from playing Deus Ex. I retrieved the bag from the garbage can, pulled the drawstrings and (mistakenly,as we shall see later,) simply crossed them through each other, neglecting to tie them. I opened the door to the garage which I had just recently fixed, and headed to the large receptacle that is picked up weekly every Tuesday. I opened the lid to the receptacle, and was immediately sucker-punched in the face by a stench much worse than death(and I have smelled decay, this stench was so much worse). After backing away and dropping the lid in disgust, I gagged. After regaining my composure,trash bag still in hand, I walked back to the receptacle and braced myself for the stench once more. But what horrified me this time, was naught the stench, but the sight that greeted me. Millions, upon millions of maggots crawling everywhere. I froze for a split second, and decided to throw the bag into the receptacle, and back away quickly before any of them decided I was their food as well. I needed to make a decision. Do I leave and ignore this mess? Or do I man up and clean it up. I chose to stay. after making the decision, I racked my brain to find all the possible causes of such a terrible infestation. Then I remembered the pulled pork I had thrown away in its aluminum container almost a week ago. Upon opening thereceptacle again, I noticed that the aluminum container had broken apart, and the meat was now lying everywhere. I also noticed something else. The sound. The sound of millions upon millions of wriggling little creatures inside the garbage can. I gagged again and shut the lid. As I turned around and headed into the house, I formulated a plan of attack. I opened the door and was greeted by my brother, who noticed the look of slight shock on my face. He inquired about what caused my look of dismay, and I told him. I continued to gather the ammunition I needed swiftly, and before heading out the door, I turned on my heel and stood menacingly in the doorways towards my brother and said: "I never asked for this." I then proceeded out the door with ammunition in hand and armor on body. I felt like what I had was enough: Ski Mask on face (to protect against the smell), Goggles (in case backsplash occurred and some of the crafty maggot-demons decided to ride along in the water), Boots (for the obvious, walking.....and of course stomping on the bastards if need be), Gloves (to protect the current open wounds I have on my hands, and to keep the corrosive chemicals from damaging myself) and a flashlight (so I could see, as it is 12 am.) Bleach water (mostly bleach) Lysol, and vinegar and baking soda in hand, I began my assault. I dragged the can outside, so no civilians would be hurt in the process. I began spraying all the chemicals at once to try and get the enemy to leave their position. As I stood there repeating the process for about 10 minutes, I realized my method wasn't very effective.Even dumping pure bleach seemed to be noneffective. I dropped my weaponry, feeling defeated and looked around. I spotted another weapon, and quickly went to retrieve it. I connected a gun sprayer we had to a hose, locked and loaded it, and the proceeded to open fire on the enemy once again. This method was much more effective and seemed to get the job done. But then, I encountered a problem. The maggots were flying everywhere, and I would have to empty the water out somewhere. I spotted the sewage drain at the end of the driveway. "Perfect." I mumbled to myself, as I held the flashlight in my mouth through the ski-mask (I had no free hands to hold it, and I figured I could most easily control the direction of the light this way). I grabbed the trashcan, still wriggling and infested with now watery maggots, and pulled it to the end of the driveway. Then, in a most barbaric fashion, I yelled, "THIS...IS...SPARTA!!!" And kicked the garbage can over. A torrent of water, moldy and decayed meat came spilling out of the can along with 60% of the maggots. My plan B was working. I continued assaulting the garbage can with water, until it had been almost clear of maggots. The hardest part of my job was yet to come. After clearing out most of the demon-spawn, I decided it was time to quarantine the infected trash by placing them into two more garbage bags. Remember the bag I had thrown in earlier? Well, since I had foolishly failed to tie it, trash was spilling out of it, and it was being infected by even more maggots. I cursed under my breath. By now, lockjaw was setting in from holding the flashlight in my mouth for too long, so even the cursing became difficult, along with breathing. I continued however my mission. I had seen it through this far, I couldn't stop now. I reached into the over turned receptacle to grab the bag I had thrown in earlier. Heat was emanating from it due to the hot water I had been spraying into it. I imagined that this must be something like the horror Snooki's gynecologist must endure almost every month. I grabbed the bag, and dragged it out as delicately as possible, as to try not and spill any more trash. I put it on the ground in front of me, and quickly proceeded to open a fresh bag to put this one into. As I stretched the new bag over the bad bag, the fear and realization that maggots could crawl onto me any second set in. It was then my mind began playing tricks on me. The very sweat on my back became maggots crawling within my own skin. The occasional brush of the glove against my nipple(remember, I am shirtless) was a maggot trying to find its way in. I hesitated for a moment, trying to muster the stench. I then proceeded to finish the job and placed the bag inside the new one. I threw it to the side. I rinsed out the garbage can some more, and then went for the main stronghold. The aluminum pan itself with all of the meat. I slowly reached in and pulled it out into an awaiting bag. However, a corner got stuck on the bag and I had to set it down for a moment to readjust, and I got a good look at the stronghold. Maggots. Maggots everywhere. Jumping around, shooting in and out of little holes in the meat. Rolling around in the juices and spoiled wasted. I gagged again; but my task was almost finished. I trudged on. I finished putting the aluminum container into the garbage pack, then put it into another garbage bag. This level of Dante's inferno was almost conquered. By now, I was drenched in sweat, and the constant dripping on my back was causing me to shudder, due to the psychological war I was fighting with my mind and fear. I continued to rinse out the garbage can and empty it two more times before bringing it back up to the house. I looked inside.

    The enemy was defeated. I covered the surface of the can with baking soda to get rid of the still lingering stench, wrapped up the hose to my weapon, gathered my ammunition and other weapons, and headed inside.

    The cool crisp air of the AC inside the house was like a welcoming hug and kiss from an Ice Queen to her castle. I was grateful for her embrace. I placed the ammunition back where I had found it in the laundry room, along with the spray bottles (guns). I removed my gear and looked in the mirror. What I found staring back at me was a sweaty hero. A rugged, brave and damn-good looking hero. I turned and walked out of the room. Satisfied, I went to the freezer and grabbed myself a popsicle and returned to my humble hideout int he basement to continue my mission on Deus Ex, text women the glory of the battle that just ensued, and how I prevailed, and tweet my glory.

    And then I wrote this story.