AWHHAWHWAHWAHWAH I DO NOT LIKE THE EXAMS WHY MUST I STUDY IN THE LAST MINUIT AHRHARHHARHG
My friend bought me ice cream out of the kindness of their heart, and 3 minutes after finishing it I threw up, luckily on the gym floor and not the stage. ): But the ice cream brownie was so good. How could I waste that?!
Okay, first one you cannot skip practice just because you don't feel like it. Dude, we are so close to performance and you are still fucking up your lines.
Also, one of my closest friends is sobbing, and left early. Her boyfriend's lungs were punctured again, and gave out today. But I don't know how to comfort her. I feel so useless because I just want her to know that everything is going to be okay. I just want to help her. ):
My US History teacher is fucking me over right now. TELL ME HOW I GOT 0 out of 100 on the test?! That is incorrect, because you said I could write a paper instead of taking a test. YOU BROUGHT MY GRADE DOWN!
I'm at a creativity downfall & all I really wanna do is have to to talk to a specific someone. But that's been rare these past few weeks.
Ok fine bash me for not thinking JK Rowling is the greatest author to ever live. Bash me for thinking she is an average author. Lmao. I fucked up my line during a rehearsal and I want to cry.
Jeg tror jeg begynner å irritere folk på dette punktet. Som det faktum at jeg ikke er så optimistisk som før og ikke har hatt noe å holde meg opptatt av. Jeg føler meg som om jeg plager noen jeg prøver å snakke med. Som jeg ikke engang føler meg komfortabel med tingene jeg sier lenger. Ingenting er opp til pålydende.
After all someone put me through, I still gave that person one last shot as a friend. In spite of being hurt after being ditched for another woman. Instead, accusations are thrown my way after said person didn't get his way when asking for me back. If the old saying is true, that you don't know what you have until it's gone -- tough cookies. I moved on quickly, because I don't hold on someone who can't see my value when I'm giving my all. I naturally meshed with someone who treats me right. I refuse to be robbed of my joy.
There is a girl "studying" with a guy in the lounge I'm in, and she's practically grinding her crotch on the sofa's armrest as she half-giggles/half-moans incessantly at anything the dude's saying
Like bitch, we get it. It's dead week and you need to release that pent-up stress somewhere, but kindly stfu and get a room instead of disturbing the 10 other students trying to actually salvage their sad, sad GPAs 凸(⊙▂⊙ )
Not motivated to do anything anymore when I saw that I can't bring both my cats with me after high school.
Why do my plans fail at the last second?
Why would you make me expect a call from you all day then not call that day obviuosly after 9 pm i would think that you wouldn't call anymore so i just binged read novels till 3am cuz boredom then after I finally enjoying my sleep, you called at 8 am the nextday? ffs I was supposed to enjoy my sleep till afternoon (」゜ロ゜)」
Please let me sleep T_T
Legend of the Galactic Heroes Vol.4: Stratagem is out as of yesterday. I preordered back in November and they're telling me maybe I'll get it in a week or two. Fuck them.
Not only that, but there won't be an immediate audiobook release on Audible because sales figures wise, it isn't a priority (aka it needs to do better overall to happen for the rest of the series; 1-3 had them on launch).
@DarkChaplain What's the order? It's just how it's in the site?
@Teru Yup, Dawn, Ambition, Endurance and now Stratagem.
I don't know why my grandma is being so hostile towards me. I asked a simple question which ended up being an unnecessary argument with my dad and grandmother, which I ended because I refused to go back and forth with the fighting. And now I'm being disrespectful, hateful, and unappreciative??
Fuck Chuck Wendig's Star Wars: Aftermath trilogy.
I'm on book two, Life Debt. It is supposedly about how Han Solo and Chewbacca liberate Kashyyyk, the Wookiee home planet. It even has the Millennium Falcon on the cover!
....Han appears for maybe two scenes at the start. The first liberation attempt happened between books, Chewie got captured somehow, no details, and hasn't appeared once in 200 pages, Han gets captured too mid-conversation with Leia. Leia tells Chuck's original crew to go find Han and bring him back. 200 pages in, I don't feel like the book is getting anywhere close to that.
On top of that, the writing is garbage. It is written in present tense, Wendig constantly tries to make in-universe animals up for making bad metaphors, the dialogue is shit and everything feels longwinded for no good reason.
Heck, characters will often go "XYZ, she thinks. She says XYZ to him. ABC too". Turning what would've been a simple three sentence conversation into an entire paragraph of indirect dialogue filled with pointless exposition. Nobody really talks normally like you'd expect.
The characters themselves are shit too. First you get the "Mother" character who is a pilot for the rebels. She "rescued" or rather forced her son to join her back in the first book and frets about him when she isn't fawning over Wedge Antilles, who's barely more than a punching bag so far, outside of being a love interest.
He's also teaching the Mother's wisecracking edgy teeny kid to fly. Did I mention that he's edgy and a shrewd businessman making deals with black market thugs and built a fucking murder droid called Mister Bones who jokingly massacres imperials while making dance moves and tries to hug the crew to appear more like them? Yeah. The son literally had the most cringeworthy teeny tantrums you can come up with in this book already.
Then there's a bounty hunter with trust issues. She's fallen for the hardass special forces rebel guy who joined the team and constantly tells eeeeeverybody and their cousin how she doesn't care and will sell them out or betray them for a good payment. Over and over. Oh, what's that? She and the Rebel guy have an argument or a fight? How about they "mash their lips together" and go banging. 200 pages in, that happened THREE TIMES ALREADY, and every time the Rebel conveniently ditches his beliefs or high ground to get in her pants.
Heck, Mother just kissed Wedge despite still holding out hope for finding her long-lost husband. She joined the Rebellion for that exact purpose! But hey, Wedge got a crutch and probably got sad puppy eyes after being completely irrelevant to ongoing events or the New Republic for a book and a half.
Ah, and then there's this imperial aide girl who was actually interesting and competent, a true imperial, but now she's just horny for the big bad boss and is his pawn, doing his bidding, to get into bed with him a few more times. Amazing. Is there anybody who isn't acting on hormones all the time?
Certainly not the gay ex-imperial loyalty officer with an alcohol problem. Heck, he had a super awkward conversation with the Rebel hardass early on about whether he had his sight on him, and then later sat in a bar with his new lover preaching about how bad gays have it still and how nobody really approves of them showing public signs of affection like kissing. He's also constantly thinking and talking about needing another drink, and how good this wine is, how good or bad that, how he hates tea because it doesn't get him drunk etc. He spends more time musing about alcohol than actually doing shit in the book.
Ah, there's also been an interlude about a pirate queen? king? who uses tumblr-level pronouns zhe and zher. Because you totally need that in STAR WARS. And this is on top of the first book having to point out that the aunts of dipshit teen Son are lesbians living together (despite all that preaching about gays having it so bad, I guess?), the gay ex-imperial having to trumpet that he's gay to the bounty hunter who offered him a banging, and even an interlude orphan musing about how he misses his two dead fathers.
For fuck's sake, Chuck Wendig. I know you're a massive social justice nutjob on twitter, but what's this got to do with Star Wars? In fact, any of the WARS in these books are heavily abridged or entirely skipped over. Shit doesn't get shown, just told. It isn't just the failed attempt to liberate Kashyyyk between books, but even just boarding actions, dogfights, you name it. Even the extraction of an imperial asshat from a besieged planet by a bounty hunter who had an interlude in book one and an appearance in one chapter here is skipped over and then just told like "oh yeah, that happened smoothly" a few chapters down the line.
Everything cool is abandoned or skipped over in favor of more fucking cringeworthy dramarama for Chuck's original cast that, on the cringe-scale, puts Anakin's creepy advances towards Padme Amidala in Attack of the Clones to shame. Holy shit this is worse than most fanfic shit you'll find online - at least those try to stay within the realms of Star Wars and not preach about social "issues" in Current Year.
I guess no matter how you look at it, people are all just a facade. I've mustered myself up to believe it's just common in Americans, but I'm sure that's how almost everyone is. Everyone always thinks negatively of you. On the social side of things, everyone is joyous, no one is having a bad time, everyone is at bliss; yada yada. But no one ever has the actual audacity to say it to your face, unless they're in a big crowd of fellow bigots. Recently it's just been that. People with false intentions, who breathe the same hate they yap about all day. And it's slowly getting to me. It's not hard for me to real someone's intentions without saying anything. People forget that the way you put your face, the tone of your voice, your slight curve in a sentence, can say a lot. And it's really beginning to hurt.
People are weak. Yet, what they say, makes them think they all power over you.
I'm gonna butt in here. Was considering not to, but what the hell. I'm Mommy, after all.
@Wolfangle I mean, I can agree with the premise that people tend to be hot garbage, but the minutiae of your venting sound awfully arrogant and too convenient.
First off, yes, people put up a facade. The exact design of their masks varies from who they're around as well. It doesn't matter if you're a perfect stranger or the partner of a long-running relationship - facades will be maintained to some degree.
Heck, how long does it take most couples to even just not care about farting in the other's company anymore? It is a crude example, but one that makes it clear that the way one wants to appear, and thus their actions, are always dependent on context. You'll probably have an easier time finding the same people farting in the company of their buddies, by contrast.
So yes, people wear facades. But that isn't necessarily because of you, but usually because of how they want to be perceived. They don't simply smile to piss you off and pretend they like you, though it certainly happens, but because they don't want to be perceived as rude, debbie downers or uncertain of themselves. It is also easier to adhere to the herd mentality and not go against the grain, the reasons for which should be obvious.
And yes, people don't care. I know they don't, it is no secret. Most folks just contact you or make time for you when it suits them. Nobody is excluded from that, even if they try not to do it. People will more often make time for you when it actually benefits them. It is the way of things. You may consider it despicable, but that's how things work. People are inherently selfish, it is just the degree that varies depending on the level of relationship.
And yes, people aren't speaking their mind or having the balls to tell you things to their face. But then, why should they, really? It may be cowardly, but it is a simple way to avoid needless conflict and not add stress to your life. When people ask how you're doing, they don't actually want to know that you're having a shit day and have to spend time and effort patting your back, they want a quick and easy opening to ask or tell you things that concern them. Friends may actually care, but then people are quick to judge somebody a friend when really they're just a convenient acquaintance.
And yes, I've noticed this being worse with Americans, personally. Especially in public, even at stores, people put on fake smiles and give fake greetings and feel out of their depth when you make a non-formal reply the way they expect you to. I can tell you from experience that the same isn't true over here, where people tend not to ask unless they actually want to know. It's one of the reasons people consider Germans to be not as approachable or cold-shouldered, even.
But again, you sound arrogant with your statements. Everyone always thinks negatively of you, for example, sounds far too self-conscious. So what if they are? Usually they're not, they don't even care enough to think anything of you. 99% of the time, you don't leave any impression on the people you meet. It is arrogant and somewhat paranoid to think that people care that much about your comings and goings.
I'll also say that I doubt that you have such an easy time reading people. It is extremely easy to make shit up you want to confer from people's words, body language and what not. It takes a lot of practice and personal and emotional detachment to go in with little enough bias one way or another to make precise judgement there.
Don't get cocky, kid. You're too focused on yourself and not looking enough at what their own situations may be like. In a way, that even makes you part of the problem you describe. You say you want people to say things to your face and have the guts to approach problems head-on? Then lead by example. Do it yourself instead of waiting for others to do it for you. Take the lead and force confrontation rather than avoiding it just the same and then complaining later. It's more difficult, yep. I don't care enough to do that most of the time either. But if you want to be different, then be different, not just harp on everybody else being that way. Be who you want to be and show yourself as you are instead of bottling shit up.
Other than that I can just say that maybe it is time to cycle through "friends" and decide who's still worth putting an effort into staying close with. It'll be depressing to have that mental list dwindle, but eh, what are people who don't care enough anyway? A nuisance, that's what.
That may sound harsh and all, but honestly, the only shit you can actually change is your own approach to things. You can lament others all year long but it still won't change a thing.
I do appreciate your long ass comment on my half witted half awake depressing post. For the most part you're not wrong. It's not a sudden realization, it's common to everyone, yes I get that. Sometimes it is required & everyone is different.
Yes I am part of the problem. Sometimes I wonder if it's all just my actions that are causing me to think like this. Or just the accumulated stress of recent situations finally getting to me.
I'm not trying to disagree with you. It would be better if everyone spoke their mind, more or less. But we don't cause everyone's opinions are different. We see everyone different as we see outselves, course. Usually the people who tend to speak their mind of every personal negative thought would tend to come off as the toxic arrogant people you'd presumably not want to be around. I do admire the way Germans handle their form of that though, and that's what I should've added on instead of sounding so narrow minded on my thoughts. But at least for over here, it's not like that. I wish I could explain more on that.
And on your doubt upon me through reading people. Of course I would disagree. You learn a lot of bad stressful experiences in life. Like being the first hand of a few deaths, poverty. I've had more than enough experiences to read people emotionally. I can't tell you my life story. So that's just up to your belief.
Also, damn you for making such a long post while I'm on this tiny phone. Chesus Christ I'm sure I missed something too.. Something about me thinking "everyone thinks negatively of you." - I'm sure that was part of my half awake bullshit @DarkChaplain Thanks mom
Fireworks tomorrow, but for the last two months it might as well should have been the 4th (Iowa legalized them a month ago, but people have been going nuts even before then with us people with pets having nothing to do but deal with it). Planning to go see fireworks at a lake and do carnival stuff but my gut decided to start jacking up yesterday so, oh joy, I may be in bed all day tomorrow.
I really enjoy this website, even though the community has been getting smaller, and not as many people are active. I've been part of the colorless for about 7 years now, and when I was younger it offered me a place to learn how to express myself and my thoughts while receiving criticism, constructive or not, while largely remaining anonymous.
The Colorless was the majority of my social interaction in my early teen years. To some that may sound horrible, but I was able to make a lot of friends, and it has been a good place to make mistakes and learn from them. It's been interesting to use CL as an archive for my ideas and they way I conducted myself in the past. Even some posts from just 8/9 months ago I spot typos or wording I find immature and dumb.
Anyways, I don't think I've ever verbalized my appreciation for the site or how I feel about it, so I thought I should go ahead and do it.
Don't take her away from me too.