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  1. FLORIDA MAN! Only in Florida...

    #531192013-04-14 20:37:20 *DarkChaplain said:

    This thread is dedicated to Florida.

    But not just everything about Florida, no. It is dedicated to the retarded people, the idiots, the people jerking off on Florida's streets, the stupid thiefs, mermaids and unicorns.

    This thread is all about the ridiculousness of Florida

    If you find something entertaining, ridiculous or just plain stupid about Florida on the WWW, post it here. Don't forget to provide sources!
    Also try to replace any names to the idiot you're posting about with either "Florida Man" or "Florida Woman", or comparable things.

    A VERY good Source for Florida Man stories is the _FloridaMan Twitter Account!

    I'll make a start:

    "Florida Man Steals Ten Cans Of Axe Deodorant From Publix Store, Assaults Security Guard, Broken Bicycle Chain Foils Getaway"

    A 45-year-old man was arrested for attempting to steal numerous cans of deodorant from a Sarasota, Florida grocery store, according to Police officials April 10.
    The shoplifter was seen by employees putting 10 cans of Axe deodorant in his pants and trying to leave the store.
    However, Florida Man’s plans for free deodorant were foiled by a store security guard who confronted the Axe thief.
    Apparently, this was not his day. As he attempted to flee the store by bicycle, the bicycle chain snapped, causing Florida Man to fall to the ground, leaving most of the Axe cans scattered on the sidewalk.

    As the security guard tried to apprehend Florida Man, the thief pushed the guard to the ground causing him to hit his head on the hard concrete.
    Florida Man fled to a local apartment complex where Police apprended him.

  2. #531202013-04-14 20:42:37DarkChaplain said:

    This one is technically California Man, but he apparently spent too much time in Florida already.

    "Deputies: Man tries to kill self using hibachi grill

    Man runs from motel after smoke alarms alert fire department, officials say

    Officials said 55-year-old Florida Man of California lit the hibachi grill in a room at the Sleep Inn motel in Florida and then duct taped himself in the shower stall.

    Investigators said they believe Florida Man was trying to kill himself through carbon monoxide poisoning.
    The smoke from the hibachi set off the alarms in the hotel.

    The fire department responded and found the burning hibachi, but not Florida Man.
    Officials searched on foot and by sheriff's helicopter in the area to find him. He was arrested a short time later.

    Investigators said they were familiar with the man because he had tried something similar in a different location earlier in the week

  3. #531212013-04-14 20:50:02 *DarkChaplain said:

    "Evicted stepson left parting gift on the porch"

    A 19-year-old Florida Man was served an eviction notice and led away in handcuffs Monday afternoon after, deputies say, he pushed his stepfather and pooped on the porch.

    Florida Man was mad because he knew the eviction notice was coming, his stepfather told deputies, according to a Pasco County Sheriff's Office report. Florida Father said his stepson didn't have a job and wasn't going to school, so he was kicking him out. The report said Florida Man threw things around the house and shoved 72-year-old Florida Father to the ground. Florida Man stepped outside to wait for deputies when he heard Florida Father calling 911.

    When they arrived, Florida Man explained that he had to use the bathroom while he was waiting, so he pulled down his pants and left the mess on the porch.

  4. #531222013-04-14 21:02:34 *DarkChaplain said:

    "Meet Eric, 22, who lives life as a MERMAN swimming underwater in Florida's springs wearing a latex tail - despite wide-eyed stares from the local fishermen"

    When Florida Man slips into his handmade fin to explore the crystal clear waters of Florida’s natural springs as a merman, he says he’s mentally transported as well.
    So is the unique, eye-catching life of this Florida Man who says he eats, sleeps and breathes mermaids while physically looking and acting like one as often as time allows.
    'It's a lifestyle. It's a path in life that I have chosen,' says the 22-year-old from Crystal River.

    Three times a week Ducharme drives more than an hour and a half to swim in one of his shimmering handmade suits at a natural spring. 'I came out here looking for some alligators and saw a tail that I've never seen before in a river,' a confused man sitting on the banks confesses on camera.

    'When I put on a tail I feel transformed,' Florida Man says while resting on the water's edge. 'I feel like I'm starting to enter into a different world when I hit the water.'
    He calls it 'mermaiding,' his own style of costumed free-diving that he says allows him to escape the world up above.

    'Being under water I feel, I'm just totally away from the world,' he explains while able to hold his breath for up to four minutes at a time.
    Though as bizarre of a 'lifestyle' activity as it is, it's one his family and even boyfriend have accepted - it not without initial astonishment.

    'When I first met Florida Man, I was introduced to the subject of mermaids, on our first date,' Florida Man's boyfriend Florida Gay opens up on camera. 'Your jaw just kind of drops and you're just like, "wow."

    'When we go swimming I don't even see him because he swims off to his own little corner, it's all about getting away from the rest of the world,' he says.
    'Florida Man is obsessed with mermaids,' his mother Florida Mom shares on the program. 'We have our own passions. That's Flo's life.'

    Since Florida Man was a child he says he's been fascinated with mermaids.
    At the age of 16 he put on his first show while swimming as the mermaid prince in Weeki Wachee Springs Little Mermaid show in 2006.

  5. #531452013-04-15 06:31:33Kirn said:

    Motherfuckers.... look at them go...

    Somehow I seriously doubt that people from any other part of the world have that kind of free time on their hands to even think about goofy shit like that...

    Florida - leaving the fucking dream.

  6. #531492013-04-15 07:03:20Kirn said:

    woman admitted to consuming up to three pounds of Goldfish crackers in a single week

    God help her...

  7. #531622013-04-15 15:01:57DarkChaplain said:

    "Florida Man's Son Tells Cops, "Those Are My Daddy's Hoes""

    Last June, police got a call that a man had beat and choked a woman he allegedly forced into prostitution.
    When cops caught up with the man -- 34-year-old Florida Man -- they pulled him over.

    He had three women and a little kid riding with him in the vehicle at the time. The boy, a 7-year-old, was apparently Burton's and the woman he choked-out's son.

    At one point, police asked the boy about the other two women in Florida Man's car, to which the boy replied, "Those are my daddy's hoes."

    "Florida Man Ejaculates On Employee's Leg In Bathroom, Promises Her More Hours, Lawsuit Says"

    One day at a Fort Lauderdale company called Florida Security Protection, a supervisor pulled an employee, Florida Woman, into the bathroom on her second day of work and she started screaming.
    Then the associate allegedly did something that made us go: Ugh. Gross.

    That day in June of 2012, Florida Man allegedly pulled down his pants, took down Florida Woman's pants, and began to masturbate in front of Florida Woman. According to the lawsuit, he ejaculated onto her leg.

    Then, the gent that Florida Man is, he allegedly promised her "more hours for subjecting her to unwelcome sexual harassment," says the lawsuit filed earlier this week.
    Afterward, the woman allegedly called the police who obtained samples of Florida Man's DNA -- and she was fired from her job.

    A manager at Florida Security denied both the existence of the lawsuit, and Florida Man's guilt. "The charge was finished, and there's nothing in court," said the manager, who declined to offer her name. "There is nothing in the court."
    "None of it was true, it was something that Florida Woman tried to do. She lied."

    The manager said the allegedly ejaculated-upon employee was ultimately fired, but not for matters of masturbation.

    "She wasn't doing her job," the manager said, referring to Florida Woman. "She wasn't doing what she was supposed to do. To be honest, I have no more information and to go farther than this, I can't do it."

  8. #532872013-04-17 00:07:05DarkChaplain said:

    "Florida Man Arrested For Jogging Naked Through Apartment Complex, Tells Police He Was Just 'Sightseeing'"

    The nude dude seemed a little out of step with reality.

    Neighbors called cops to report a run-in with a naked jogger, later identified as Florida Man, who had been hanging around a Sanford apartment complex, reports WFTV ABC News-9 in Orlando.

    But the 42-year-old Florida Man appeared to be taking things in stride, allegedly telling cops that he had a couple of brewskis and was just "sightseeing and taking pictures," according to the report.
    Florida Man was taken to the pokey after cops determined he had run afoul of the law.

  9. #532902013-04-17 01:26:43 *Momimochi said:

    ... What. The fuck?

    Goddamn Amurrikans.

    Man, 19, Arrested For Twice Calling 911 To Complain About Way His Mom Spoke To Him

    A 19-year-old Florida man who twice called 911 because he “didn’t like how his mom was talking to him” was arrested early yesterday for misuse of the police emergency system.

    Vincent Valvo was collared outside his Vero Beach home after a cop arrived there around 4:30 AM in response to the teenager’s second 911 call. Valvo, seen at right, complained about his mother in both calls, according to an Indian River County Sheriff’s Office report.

    After his first 911 call, Valvo was “informed about the improper use of 911 and the penalty for doing so.” Following the second call, Valvo, who smelled of booze, was arrested for abuse of 911, a misdemeanor.

    Valvo was released from jail yesterday afternoon after posting $500 bond. He is scheduled for a May 14 Circuit Court appearance.

    The sheriff’s report does not specify exactly how Valvo’s mom was talking to him.

    I would be fucking on my way to China via being slapped.

  10. #537392013-04-20 19:46:27 *DarkChaplain said:

    "Pants-Less Florida Man Leaps From Window After Couple Find Him Bent Over, Trying To Tie His Shoe In Their Bedroom"

    A homeless man who deputies say was found in a woman's bedroom with his pants down, trying to tie his shoes has been arrested after being beat up by the woman's husband.

    The homeowners said they came back from shopping and found Cook in the master bedroom of the residence bent over with his pants around his ankles.

    The woman told deputies she and her husband, niece and aunt went to a nearby dollar store to shop. When they returned they found the door of the master bedroom closed. Her husband then opened the bedroom door and found Florida Man with his pants down, the report said.

    Florida Man slammed the bedroom door in the man's face but the man pushed it open and started punching Florida Man in the face forcing him to leap out of a window. Florida Man suffered a cut to the forehead, deputies said.

    Deputies found blood drops in the bedroom and bed sheet, which the husband said was from Cook, investigating deputies said

    Deputies were later called by maintenance workers who saw Florida Man with blood dripping down his face, enter a home at Valencia Drive. A deputy looked through a window and saw Florida Man pacing back and forth inside the home. The homeowner allowed the deputy to enter the home to make contact with Florida Man, reports said.

    Florida Man was arrested Tuesday and charged with stalking and burglary with assault or battery, an arrest report shows.

  11. #550912013-05-07 13:24:20DarkChaplain said:

    Police Suspect Florida Man Is Walking Awkwardly; Find Needles Between His Butt Cheeks, Pills In His Anus

    Just.... no.

    Florida Man Arrested For Repeatedly Masturbating In Front Of Road Crew

    I just... what?

    Florida Man Takes Out Penis To Pick Up Mom In Front Of Her Kids

    Florida Man spotted himself a gorgeous lady playing with her kids in the playground at the Anderson Snow Sports Complex. He apparently needed to meet her and inquire if she was single or not.

    So he decided to approach her by laying down the smoothest pick-up maneuver possible: by walking up to her and her kids with his penis hanging out of his pants.

    "Damn girl," he reportedly said to her. "You're fine. Do you have a man?"

    All this while his dick was still hanging out of his pants. Smooth operator.

    Unfortunately, Florida Man's master game was cock-blocked by deputies responding to Florida Woman's 911 call.

    Bad End.

  12. #557902013-05-18 03:05:44Claire-chan said:

    "A 37-year-old Florida woman allegedly stabbed her boyfriend with an 8-inch-long kitchen knife after he farted in her face during an argument."

  13. #599382013-06-25 11:31:52Kirn said:

    Not Florida, but Idaho. And a whole company. And the scale of it is truly mind-boggling.

    Jihawg Ammo: Pork-laced Bullets Designed To Send Muslims Straight ‘To Hell'

    This company decided to fight Muslims with... pork. They created a new type of bullets - covered in paint made of pork. So, when the Muslim would be hit with this bullet, his body would be tainted and he will never go to his Muslim haven. Nice, eh? Oh, and not only those guys made these bullets... but at a price of about 20$ per box, a whole lot of American idiots are buying those right fucking now!