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  1. The Colorless Short Story Anthology: Vol.1: Download and Feedback Thread


    #605932013-07-08 22:29:26 *DarkChaplain said:

    This thread is a follow up to:

    For the full project details, please refer to those threads.


    It is done, the editing is over (apart from a few issues I personally have with the PDF version, which I am not able to fix at this point), and so I will release the Project result to the Community.

    Pick your format:

    • .EPUB
      • Most common eReader format, Calibre might be good for reading on PC)
    • .MOBI
      • My favorite, works natively on Kindle, iPad and co have apps for it. Use the MobiReader for use on PC
    • .PDF
      • Wonky. Most likely the simplest due to the easy availability of the Adobe Reader, but the worst way to read the stories. Might be improved later on.

    Please Download your prefered format, and link interested friends here. Please try avoiding sending the files via Skype and co, if possible.
    The reason for that is that I want to observe format-trends and how many people actually access the files. This way I hope to better understand the actual reach of projects like this, and it is nice to give (future) participants an overview of how many people actually cared about their submissions.


    The following users participated in this project:

    A big THANKS to all of 'em. This would not have worked out this well without your participation!

    I will leave you all to the stories now. Please provide feedback on this thread, but do so with respect and without flaming. Unacceptable behavior may get you excluded from this thread!

    I hope everyone's gonna enjoy the result of our combined work!

  2. #605952013-07-08 22:30:42 *Mau said:

    Alright, allow me to apologize for not posting this earlier, I make no excuses for my actions so allow me to remedy this by posting some of my reviews so far.

    Grave Matters by @Cenica

    A nice enough story, interesting idea, but I feel its seriously lacking. There were nice details added, such as the process for preparing bodies for funerals, but a lot of the story I feel had holes in it. I honestly had to go back and re-read it because I thought I missed something somewhere. I feel story has suffered pretty severely from the pacing, lack of consistency, and extremely abrupt ending.

    Feeding the Pigs by @SlantDuffy

    This story confused me quite a bit. It like Cenica's has a lot of holes in the story, an interesting concept, but its inconsistencies and rushed storytelling leave me feeling like the story is sorely lacking. Many parts of the story feel tacked on and in some places downright unnecessary such as giving unneeded details such as the bullet traveling through the Deer. So the verdict for this story is the same as Cenica's, an interesting enough concept brought down by the writer rushing the story and

    What She Has Lost by @Kuroba_Loki

    Everyone has pretty much covered what I wanted to say about this story, especially Ecstasy who mentioned it read like an anime game, glad I'm not alone on that. The "wew", chains, and self insert really ruined it for me, I really just couldn't take this story seriously at all. I can't really say anything else about this story, I just don't feel like the author didn't take his own story seriously, and that's extremely disappointing. I mean if you can't take your own story seriously, why should anyone else?

    After The Fall by @Hellstorm901

    I will say this is one of the better written entries, but this story feels less like horror and more science fiction than anything. It definitely doesn't have the feel of a horror story. I liked the whole survivors perspective, as well as the twist ending. It certainly keeps the reader's attention, and its left me with some questions, but unlike the other previous entries I'm not questioning things in a bad way, but rather in a "make your own conclusions" manner. All in all, good read, more Sci-Fi than horror, but an entertaining read all the same.

    Stranded by @--Jack-- The writer really kept it light and simple with this story, making an easy read, using a tried and true concept while keeping it interesting enough. I enjoyed the part where they person reflected on why people get frightened in the dark.

    Message by @johan_5179 Now this story I enjoyed, I'm a sucker for crime dramas, disillusioned detectives, and bizarre cases involving serial killers with bizarre MO's and methods. The story had gore aplenty, but it never felt tacked on or unnecessary, the killings needed to be so gruesome to express the killers message (haha). Although, I must say I do believe this story would benefit from being fleshed out further? The pacing feels a bit rushed, but if it were slowed down a bit, with a bit more detailing, and we'd have a very good gripping read. I would definitely like to see this story expanded upon.

    (Finishing up the next set)

  3. #606212013-07-09 19:13:50Kirn said:

    Damn... already got pointed out to the mistakes in my story... oh well, what can I do.

    Also, I really do not want to be first to give feedback, so quick, someone do that first!

  4. #606222013-07-09 19:29:53johan_5179 said:

    @Kirn I want to but the stories have been up for one day only and I do not want to put in spoilers on the thread at this early stage. Maybe, in a couple of days...

  5. #606412013-07-10 00:16:49Cenica said:

    Isn't that what the spoiler things are for? So you can hide the spoiler unless people want to look at it (knowing that it's a spoiler...)?

  6. #606652013-07-10 11:36:50 *Ecstasy said:

    Okay, done with reading the whole thing.

    First of all - wheee, we can have nice things. The management of the project was well done and the number of participants is good. Each story differs from the others and has a feeling of the author int it, made me think of how many different people we have here and how peculiar they are. I even ended up having my favorites from who I'd like to read more. Enjoyed the "about authors" part too.

    Some of my thoughts HEAVY SPOILERS POSSIBLE:

    No particular order, but will post my favourites first:

    Message @johan_5179 Already said that I always liked dem maniacs with justice ideas, especially when they seem to be possessed/have unhuman powers. The story did have more references which I wasn't able to see. All in all really good job here, it really could make for a nice book added more victims and character development.

    Peculiar Jake Morrier @Kirn The story was easy to read, it has nice setting of past/present events and a good amount of killing for a short story.

    Feeding the Pigs @SlantDuffy The death description of the girl was really good, the story made me think a bit since it wasn't clear and there were lots of space left for thinking over.

    So the above be my favorites.

    Grave Matters @Cenica - I'd maybe read a book if it was written. Especially liked the description of applying make up on dead bodies.

    Stranded @--Jack-- It sure seems to be just his dream which makes the story less scary except for the call thing lol). I liked the dark part a lot though.

    Case-R4114R @Noodle Nice idea with making white race a minority and make Sweden an overcontrolled anti-utopia place. Had a science-fiction feeling to it, though.

    After the Fall @hellstorm901 got a bit confused about the genre, somehow it had a strong science-fiction feeling to it. We did discuss it in chat though and I agree with @johan_5179 here that there is a really creepy part in the story which comes to your mind only after you finish reading. you realise that the main character sort of killed a human actually

    No particular opinion on the rest, will only mention that:
    What She Has Lost @Kuroba_Loki gave me a feeling that I've just read some animu game and wew.
    Woods of Fate @olivaisfire1997 felt more like a tale of a sorts.

    Didn't mention only "The Creeper" and "Welcome to Sunny Veil", both stories are well written, but in both cases - I don't have much fear for clowns or spiders. It did feel creepy a bit, just don't really have anything to say about the stories themselves.

  7. #606732013-07-10 17:28:44 *johan_5179 said:

    Here goes johan, giving his feedback. __SPOILERS PEOPLE, SPOILERS__All of this is my serious opinion. Feel free to question my judgement regarding specific stories, I would appreciate it. But, I should say that my preference for character-driven plots rather than event-driven plots factored in when I wrote this. This is a personal bias which I have and is the only thing in the following notes which is not open to question.

    Grave Matters by @Cenica

    I liked the story for its content which was engaging. The addition of some specific situations like the body preparation and the basement scene helped the story’s cause. The style was descriptive and really did build up tension, with the little girl and the voices. But there was a certain lack of coherence which reduced the overall impact. All in all, good story which could do better with more detailed characters.

    After the Fall by @hellstorm901

    Read what @Ecstasy said. Adding to that I will say that the style was more to my liking, with the bottle/humanity comparison being my most favourite part of the story. After a brief discussion with @hellstorm901 on chat, I can say that this story gains from hindsight because of the end which really throws the narrator’s entire POV into doubt. What if the narrator was machine/partial machine from the beginning? Doesn’t the bottle/ humanity comparison become more significant? Made me think, this one.

    Stranded by @--Jack--

    Jack here took a stock subject of horror and dealt with it well. This is a big deal because it is very easy to get cheesy and mess it up. Both the content and the style complemented each other well, with the door kicking and the whole darkness part deserving a ‘well played’. The narrator talking to himself in his head was a nice touch, so is the unexplained phone call. It does lose out on the scary part, but one must see that @--Jack-- managed good moments without a drop of blood or slime .____.

    Peculiar Jake Morrier by @Kirn

    Kirn’s story had the best narrative, weaving in the past and the present with not a moment which lagged. It is a simple story which deals with every action of Jake leading up to the end, which was scary despite the absence of suspense. And though there is a lot gore in some other stories (*wink wink) biting your tongue off to die….bleargh. Too close to home, people. Jake himself is a complex character with ample detailing, and how he manipulates the conversation with Liz is a nice pointer to his hidden side. And that part about the therapist (and the cop in the end). Huehuehue. (Kid is a monster inside, therapist is clueless.)

    What She Has Lost by @Kuroba_Loki

    You have an amnesiac inside a building with each floor having its own monster and a big finish on the roof. It is a brilliant setting with a character who is fertile ground for all kinds of detailing to be added. What went wrong? The writer was not serious. Still, fun read with the Kappa and the chained Loki. Seems like I’ve heard that before… wew ._____.

    Case-R4114R by @Noodle

    This was the most thought out story in the collection. It covered many interesting themes which have direct parallels with what is around us now, and my ever cynical heart warmed up at the sight of this corrupt dystopia, which is my preferred view of the future. It was mature and well-written, with a sci-fi tinge to it. Adrian is a good character, grey enough to be realistic and good enough for the martyr thing to actually make sense. My sole problem? A short story is hardly enough to deal with what was going on and because of that the story suffered inspite of a good style. It wasn't horror and it was not very well defined as a thriller either. Also, Julia and her death were… unnecessary (?) If @Noodle writes something longer, I would read it.

    Woods of Fate by @olivaisfire1997

    Damsel in distress is actually a monster and the moonstruck lover hero is conflicted about what to do. The creature romance thing is actually hard to pull off, but this could have done with more effort. The damsel was too cute to be scary and the hero was too clueless/useless to be much of a hero. Oli needs some more effort to write better stories.

    Feeding the Pigs by @SlantDuffy

    This thing had a high creep factor and the descriptive style of writing coupled with the isolated setting set it off really well. It is expertly paced with the chapter divisions clearly saying that this was a story well-planned. However, while I do understand that Duffy left the explanations to us by leaving out some key things such as the actual significance of the buck, that didn’t work for me really. As with some of the other stories, my one problem is the lack of characterization. (Also I have a bone to pick with Duffy. I cannot possibly believe that being stabbed can lead to a peaceful death.)

    The Creeper by @Taro_Tanako

    This is one well-rounded story with a good plot and an unlikely hero. Genuine twist ending and my personal dislike of insects makes this a compelling and creepy read. David is an interesting one. I have no real issues with the story apart from the fact that Georgia was a bit too quick to believe that her brother was a psycho. But then again, so were we. (Added note – In serious need of editing. Refer to the conversation between Georgia and Marcia to see this :/)

    Welcome to Sunny Veil by @Ucui

    Well planned story with a clever setting that is bustling with activity and is isolated as well. The claustrophobia part is written nicely and the exchange between the narrator and the elder son is realistic and entertaining. I really liked the ‘veil’ reference in the ending, which leaves the characters with the same sense of claustrophobia outside which they felt inside the town.

    Well, should I now bite the bullet and do it? Name my favorites? I think I should so here goes.

    -@Kirn

    -@--Jack--

    -@Taro_Tanako/@Ucui

    (With @Noodle deserving a special mention)

    Overall, the contest was a nice experience. If the community is willing, let’s do this again sometime. For everyone who was involved with the project - Jury, Writer and @DarkChaplain

    http://img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/8a41c657b970b6d57a8b0f76bb5e2b72/http://i992.photobucket.com/albums/af41/twigggs/anime/Higurashi-RikaClap.gif

    (stolen from @hellstorm901)

  8. #606802013-07-10 21:55:44Kirn said:

    Alright. Time for me to make my reviews. However, I am not planning to say anything good, well, except for a few stories. I will, however, talk about faults I saw. So you might be better of not reading this. ye have been warned. Also, yes, FUCKING SPOILERS.

    @Cenica - "Grave Matters"
    This is the prime example of how rushing fucks the story. The idea is interesting enough, but the execution is bad. Text feels really fragmented, even within the same paragraph. And from what I heard - initially that was just one mass of text with no separation, which would be totally impossible to read. Also, very abrupt ending, unsatisfying.

    @hellstorm901 - "After the Fall"
    This takes the prize as the weirdest idea of all. Also, this is the story that demands of you to re-read it with some sort of new understanding, to try and get it more. And at the same time the author himself doesn't give all the answers, forcing the reader to invent his own answers. Well, some people like that, some don't, so that may be both good and bad. However, the style is very heavy - phrases seem to wordy and hard to read sometimes. That lowers the re-read value.

    @--Jack-- - "Stranded"
    This one I liked. Very simple theme, very clean and good execution. A bit of a twist in the end. There was a small thing that caught my attention - at some point in the story it seems that the door opens inside the room, but after that the scene shows that the door swings outside it. I am not sure if that is a mistake or is it is supposed to be so. Also, the story is very short.

    @johan_5179 - "Message"
    This one seems like a proper thriller. I liked the style and the characters. I have to say, the words "Unapologetic Sluggishness" made my physically flinch. I was not sure what to think - is it a joke, what is it? So suddenly out of style with everything that came before. Turns out it was a twist, but it made me worry. Also, in the beginning, it seems like the criminal was something who is extremely, inhumanly strong... I suspected supernatural being at the start. But this was never addressed after.

    @Kirn - "Peculiar Jake Morrier"
    Oh, this one. Well, it's not horror, it's a thriller attempt. But the story got no suspense at all. The reader can see what will happen a mile away. This is the main problem. To name some others - bland narration until the very end, obvious closure scene with two cops, and the gore scene, it seems, tries to make up for all the uneventful time before it. Also - mistakes and typos.

    @Kuroba_Loki - "What She Has Lost"
    Okay... while reading this, for about six times I really wanted to jump and yell 'Stop! This is silly!' And it is fucking silly. This is not a horror, just some sort of abstract with all the horror cliche author could remember thrown into one pot and boiled down until all the taste was lost. Story? Story is lost in the midst of all this silliness. Also, adding wew, chains and yourself to the story is just plain bad taste and the author should bash his head against the wall for it.

    @Noodle - "Case-R4114R"
    Mixed feelings about this one. On one hand, I can see that the author had many ideas. The setting, the characters... it all took some imagining. On the other hand, it feels like the story was rushed and because of that many things are not explored nearly enough. Also, this is in no way a horror or even a thriller. This is a simple action, and I can point you to the similar action movies. Also, using deus ex machina plot device is usually frowned upon. And I do frown upon it.

    @olivaisfire1997 - "Woods of Fate"
    Again, simple and well-knows story. Guy finds girl in the woods, brings her home, falls in love, she is a monster. Could have been done well. The problem is style, and the story itself really feels just... cheesy, I guess. Can't really say anything else here. No, wait, I can! Narration. For some reason sometimes the narration is in past tense and sometimes - in the present tense.

    @SlantDuffy - "Feeding the Pigs"
    Some good gore, some good scenes, some poor pig. I guess, my biggest problem with this story was that I didn't really feel the motivation behind any of this. Why do character do what they do? Like there was this family, and then things went crazy with no explanation. Feels like the story was there only to support the gore ideas themselves. Also, some things, like deer anus or thoughts about energy conservation just feel out of place in the narration.

    @Taro_Tanako "The Creeper"
    You know, this might have been a gem. Honestly. There is an idea, there are characters, there's even a twist that throws the story from thriller to a horror in one sweep. While the idea isn't new, things like that can be made unexpected and the author did a good job of doing that. However, he rushed the thing, so it feels really unpolished. Some scenes could have been reviews, maybe the overall flow or pacing of the story... Still, it is a good story and I honestly expected something extremely worse from this one author.

    @Ucui - "Welcome to Sunny Veil"
    Again, mixed feelings. The writing is solid. The action is there, everything seems to be in place. And we end up with something that looks like the vampire mob outside the hotel... But no, it's citizens turning into clowns at night. Which pretty much offed the whole thing for me, because the while story is constructed upon some joke. I know, that clowns can be scary... but you really have to work hard to make them so. Also. Honking? Really? Feels like a Homestuck tribute, which is not a good thing in this case.

    There we go... oh, before I forget!

    and how he manipulates the conversation with Liz is a nice pointer to his hidden side.

    You know, I really didn't intend for it to look like that. Just wrote that without thinking much about reasons, so you really give me too much credit. I have to say, that I am not the one for twists, so the story I made really is like that - everything happens straight. I guess, if the scene feels like that, I just got lucky with that )

  9. #606862013-07-10 22:47:50 *Ucui said:

    Which pretty much offed the whole thing for me, because the while story is constructed upon some joke.

    You caught me.

    Also. Honking? Really? Feels like a Homestuck tribute, which is not a good thing in this case.

    @Kirn, Shit son. You're good. I'll be honest. The concept for my story was actually based off of a joke about Homestuck and clowns. The fact that you discerned both of those on a single read through deserves some recognition.

    To reiterate @johan_5179 and @hellstorm901

    A word that starts with a b.

  10. #608012013-07-12 08:09:07DarkChaplain said:

    Huge thanks for all the feedback so far!

    @Ecstasy, @Kirn, @johan_5179, your feedback really is valuable as fuck. Those pointers are exactly what I had hoped for :)

    Everybody else, go and post your own feedback! Reward the authors for their good work here~

    And while I'm at it, please also give feedback on the ebooks themselves, as I feel that I can probably still improve on some areas.

  11. #611512013-07-19 11:02:58Kirn said:

    I even went as far as to point some people here who would most definitely bash my story. But no, them bastards also didn't post.

  12. #616602013-07-25 17:40:10 *Noodle said:

    Maybe I'll have time to read them during the weekend. I'll leave my feedback by sunday if I do!

    Is there no deadline?

  13. #616612013-07-25 18:01:16DarkChaplain said:

    There ain't a deadline for reading or giving feedback, no. But the less people participate in this, the less meaningful the jury's eventual verdict on the individual contributions will be

  14. #616772013-07-25 21:19:53hellstorm901 said:
    @Cenica (Grave Matters) Not really too sure about this one as it wasn't really my cup of tea. Mind you that girl's creepy.

    Myself (After the Fall) This is me showcasing mind fuckery at its best in a first attempt at the horror genre. As it's been pointed out it's a story that benefits from some hindsight and even then the events of the story are open to individual interpretation.

    @--Jack-- (Stranded) I liked this one because to me it has a sort of Silent Hill style theme to it which always catches my interest. I feel that you might benefit from expanding more on this story and increasing its length as to me the protagonist had it easy and made a fairly easy escape by most horror standards. The protagonist quite literally broke horror cliche by kicking out the door in his way and fleeing. There's nothing wrong with trapping your characters for a bit and putting them through hell before they escape.

    @johan_5179 (Message) This story reminded me that the genre of the competition was both Horror and Thriller. When I saw mention of Police at the beginning my instant thought was that per the norm of horror this was going to end with a couple Police Officers getting their faces ripped off or horribly torn up but hey it's a murder story so fools on me. Heh. You're good at writing crime scenes I'll give you that. I feel the ending was a good case of reality ensures for the reader as there's no drawn out talk or fight. Just a take down.

    @Kirn (Peculiar Jake Morrie) Kirn writing something with death in it made me ask whether I was reading a fictional story or memoirs. Think the ending clarified that. On a serious note this is a good story but it gets spoiled if the reader is too genre savvy for their own good which in my case made the ending predictable but still enjoyable.

    @Kuroba_Loki (What She Has Lost) You got me. The title's a question isn't it? Well if it is i'm saying the answer is panties. Cats. Little girls. Wew~. Nyaa~ and yourself....

    In fact I have a better way to sum up this story.

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KC1fKEr3JEI/UOw_uXcm1hI/AAAAAAAAAq0/l2-kEr3ovKo/s1600/tentacle+asuna.gif

    @Noodle (Case-R4114R) Firstly. I must confess I went into your story after Lokis and no disrespect to Loki but I feel as a result of "that" it's seriously impacted my ability to review a story. But I'll try anyways. As it's been pointed out this isn't horror or really thriller but that doesn't actually make it bad. I feel if there's a CL Short Story 2.0 then you should re-enter with something like this. Your stories universe is an interesting one and would definitely benefit from expansion and if it did i.e. being a full book I would probably read it.

    @olivaisfire1997 (Woods of Fate) It's average by my books (Okay crap joke lets move on) it's nothing new I'll say that but then again it's nothing bad either. Beautiful girl. Guy falling in love with said beautiful girl. Girl is a monster and kills a dozen people in the name of love. I think it's safe to say at least so far you may have rivaled Kirn in the kill count department and i'm always rooting for any fiction which has snow turning red. (Snow makes the best backdrop to death)

    @SlantDuffy (Feeding the Pigs) It's a short story so we really don't need chapters. You should have tried to keep the flow or at least just used a line break of some sorts (I'm sure DC could have arranged that if you asked) Okay you've satisfied me in the gore department but unless this is a short story playing by Asylum rules what the hell did that old lady fire at the Buck? A bloody Anti-Tank Rifle? Quite a creepy little story you got here I must say.

    @Taro_Tanako (The Creeper) Spiders are always fucking creepy. Not very constructive I know. But after having fought off a couple spiders in the last couple days alone (Fuckers are everywhere in the Summer I swear) I really can't think up much to say about this story other than it's creepy.

    @Ucui (Welcome to Sunny Veil) When I first saw the titles of everyone's stories yours was the one that stood out the most. I was wondering what your story could possibly hold and reading this you gave me a sense of nostalgia back to an old series called Goosebumps. So good job.