We have logic

Join a laid-back, close-knit community of mixed interests Get a free account!

  1. The Colorless Short Story Anthology: Vol.2: Download and Feedback Thread

    #655372013-11-06 15:36:40 *DarkChaplain said:

    This thread is a follow up to:

    For the full project details, please refer to those threads.

    It has been a long and annoyingly harsh road, but at last this is officially released and done with. Happy reading!

    Pick your format:

    • .EPUB
      • Most common eReader format, Calibre might be good for reading on PC)
    • .MOBI
      • My favorite, works natively on Kindle, iPad and co have apps for it. Use the MobiReader for use on PC
    • .PDF
      • Wonky. Most likely the simplest due to the easy availability of the Adobe Reader, but the worst way to read the stories. Might be improved later on.

    Please Download your prefered format, and link interested friends here. Please try avoiding sending the files via Skype and co, if possible.
    The reason for that is that I want to observe format-trends and how many people actually access the files. This way I hope to better understand the actual reach of projects like this, and it is nice to give (future) participants an overview of how many people actually cared about their submissions.

    The following users participated in this project:

    A big THANKS to all of 'em. This would not have worked out this well without your participation!

    I will leave you all to the stories now. Please provide feedback on this thread, but do so with respect and without flaming. Unacceptable behavior may get you excluded from this thread!

    I hope everyone's gonna enjoy the result of our combined work!

  2. #655972013-11-07 07:43:04Kirn said:

    Rocks bugged for me, but anyways. Red the stories. Holy fucking hell, I am the only one with a positive story. The end of the world is upon us!
    I am going to write a proper feedback on all the stories, but I'll probably do that on Saturday or Sunday - will re-read them first.

  3. #660562013-11-11 11:51:27 *Kirn said:

    Alright! Yesterday I got distracted by an event of pure idiocy on the site, but now it's finally the time for me to make my reviews of the stories.

    So. While we have less stories than in the first volume, somehow it's still incredible that every story has dark themes and some sort of dark/black monster. Every story but mine. Which cracks me up, because really, let's just call the whole thing "5 dark stories by cheerful users and 1 cheerful story by the darkest user."

    Anyways, let's get to it.


    A Ribbon For A Cloak by @Ucui
    Alright, I have to say - this story features the heaviest writing of them all. And I mean it in a bad sense. Somehow the story is not easily readable. Which, in turn, makes the whole story look much worse than it is. I only managed to really grasp the story on my second reading. And when I did, the whole thing turned up way better than I first thought. A sort of a variation on boy who cried wolf I guess?
    Monster of the story - big black wolf.

    Cloud Scar Hunter by @--Jack--
    Quite honestly, I don't have much to say about this one. Well, there are flying ships, and the world seems to be in a fantasy-apocalyptic state, and we have a young hero with name Lance (god, you have no idea how many profane anecdotes there are about a knight by that name) and appearance that clearly shows him as the main character... The whole thing has a sort of jRPG feel, you know. After reading this you kinda expect the lad to join the army or some resistance force and go reclaim the under-cloud lands. The style is alright, and the whole thing reads easy enough.
    Monster of the story - black knight... with monsters with obligatory 'wolf-like snouts'.

    Daakshin by @johan_5179
    This was also quite a heavy read. Not because of the style, but because of the general atmosphere. Though, style is also not too easy and filled with words you rarely see. But that does contribute to the general feeling of the story. The whole thing feels like a, I don't know, parable of sorts? And it made me remember all those poor knightly bastards seeking the Grail. In my opinion, the story is... too deep and serious. Last time you did a dark story, but spiced it up with a really nice wtf moment. This time you went full-on gothic style. I blame your education ))
    Monster of the story - giant black tiger.

    That Blackcraig Story by @Cenica
    Okay, this one was the most unexpected for me. Also this is the second least darkish story. So, major improvement by Cenica, who this time managed her time more properly. I'd say I liked the beginning of the story the most. It has a bit of a Pratchett beat to it, and the dialogue was really good. Characters really feel alive, so that's something you should use as your strong writing point - good character interaction. Later on I kinda felt that the pacing of the story became a little off because the story started exploring the past of characters one after another... All in all, I liked the story, though I think there could be a sort of prologue to it maybe. And it does feel like something that would continue.
    Monster of the story - giant black hellhound.

    The Hunt by @hellstorm901
    Like Jack's story, there's not much to say. The style is alright, the story is being told from the character's perspective, which marks it as a unique story in the book. But I do have to say, that the whole thing feels much more like a horror than a fantasy. So... a horror fantasy, I guess? I mean, we have all the things here - weak main character, people killed one by one, revelation (diary), fight against the monster and the final despair. Yep, that's really more like a horror.
    Monster of the story - werewolf.

    Siege by @Kirn
    First of all: monster of the story - none! Take that, you bastards!
    Now, this time I won't be able to criticize myself, because that's pretty much the style I usually write in in Russian right here. Orcs, fights, armies and some obligatory stupidity. And if a writer is doing his usual style, it's harder for him to really see bad points and mistakes in the story. I also had some troubles with articles, but in the book it should be an edited version, which is better. Quite honestly, I would like to get some feedback on this one, cause who knows, maybe my usual orcish humor does not translate well in English just like my Russian jokes )
    Also, I am thinking, when I would have the time, to re-write this in Russian too.

  4. #660722013-11-11 17:52:51Ucui said:

    Yeah, my bad. To be honest, during the extra week when I finally wrapped my head around the concept I was still having trouble expressing the story the way I wanted to. I tried to throw some foreshadowing in there so as to help the story make more sense early on, but that probably was not the smartest thing I could have done. Who would understand foreshadowing of an ending they didn't know yet?

    Still, I'm glad you caught my allusion to the boy who cried wolf. It makes me feel all warm inside that someone noticed.

  5. #660592013-11-11 12:53:36 *Ecstasy said:

    A Ribbon For A Cloak by @Ucui. Nice work here, you see the rugged man as a villain at first, then you get some mystery and in the end the story tights together. Also, spells, inns, knights. All set up nicely for a fantasy genre. The language was a bit heavy for me, but then again I'm not a native speaker and you usually use more complex speech in fantasy, so no complains.

    Cloud Scar Hunter by @--Jack--. I liked how you written your character in the aircraft. I guessed where he was before you even named that it was an aircraft. Would call it smooth. Interesting background story which is probably fit for something bigger than a short story though.

    Daakshin by @johan_5179. Dark fantasy here? The story did give a lonely feeling due to pretty much only one character and another one in the very end. People tend to use a lot more characters for a fantasy genre. Also not sure if real plague and faith or gods and black magic and then again faith. So the story is rather deep in general.

    Siege by @Kirn. Once again a very enjoyable story. Same as in the first short story project - easy to read and with a nice ending. Loved to see fantasy genre races (goblins, trolls and, omg, even dwarfs!) and really expected other participants to use them too. I can't really judge your humor though, because I'm a Russian too, but I did find it rather funny.

    The Blackcraig Story by @Cenica Good story - interesting take on hellhounds also lots of magic. But some parts felt left out without direct mentioning or maybe the story pacing was a bit off? She took the boy as her apprentice? How did they meet the vampire and why did they travel together?

    The Hunt by @hellstorm901. More wolves here and a nice ending. I noticed you spell wolf as a wulf? Is it stylistic? For some reason, even if it is, it looked a bit off for me. Also was it another werewolf second time? A weaker one? The first one was shot twice and stabbed a lot and still survived. Was a bit confusing.

  6. #660602013-11-11 13:24:23hellstorm901 said:

    The word Wulf was used to be stylistic as Wulf is an older saying of Wolf and the Werewolf I used was along the usual lines of Werewolves having supernatural healing factors. So same Werewolf.

  7. #665502013-11-25 14:56:52Rinneko said:

    This is wonderful. Rare is the chance to see good short stories all complied together.

    Sorry, I don't have deep analysis of each story but reading them was very enjoyable!

  8. #669052013-12-05 01:05:51MrTingles said:


    And here's the official bookmark for this contest! The writers and jury got theirs earlier today as a little reward, but now, it's yours to keep, members!

  9. #674082013-12-18 10:13:16Kirn said:

    As a part of my 'too many stickied threads' program, I have to say, that it may be time to remove this thread from stickied. The book is done, so now it just takes up space.

    Though, I would like to actually read more feedback, but apparently people are reluctant to read. Or write. Goddamn bastards.

  10. #674482013-12-19 12:38:08 *johan_5179 said:

    A Ribbon for a Cloak by @Ucui

    The story is well structured, with the characters succeeding in being quite a mystery as to their motivations and objectives. The young lad and the rugged man share a nice dynamic within the story and the tale benefits from the scant dialogue which forces the reader to pay closer attention to the other details. And because those details are well-written, the story becomes quite satisfying.

    The only problem I have is ambivalent characterisation, but the plot more than makes up for it. The pacing could probably have been better, but the heavy and detached narration can be seen as both a plus and a minus.

    Cloud Scar Hunter by @--Jack--

    I love the setting for this story; it is beautiful, well-used and quite different from the usual generic settings which the other stories have. Introducing it as a mother telling her son a tale is clever and thus the usual clunkiness is avoided and the suspense is built up, as in when the wolves attack. But the plot and the characters are very predictable which wastes the good build-up. The story works as an episode in the life and times of Sir Drakewood rather than a self-sufficient work, but it is a believable episode in the framework of a story. The thing I like about this one is that it is so normal and easily accessible, with the events being a part of people living out their lives instead of being a one-off.

    The writing is good and lucid, much like what you wrote earlier. Continue with this style Wise Jack, it will serve you well. (Just make more distinct characters)

    Siege by @Kirn

    Great use of a generic setting and a very well written plot along with the wry tone make this a very good story. I could crib about the generic characters again but this is easily a story where the setting and the narration are in sharper focus. The ‘who’ does not matter, what matters is what they do. And both these things are utilised to their fullest. Also as Kirn said this is the only humorous story in the anthology and the humour sets the story apart from the others. The story knows what it was doing, and all I can say is - nicely done, your experience shows.

    That Blackcraig Story by @Cenica

    This was the kind of story I love. Noble Cen has distinct characters with well written dialogue and interaction. Again, the story is episodic and should ideally be part of something larger but the writing style tells me that I would want to read and follow this story if it gets bigger, because the people in here are worth following. The ending is happy and lays the grounds for something more.

    The setting is fairly ordinary but is fleshed out a bit; the story itself is engaging and keeps you guessing. Things work well for this story, and Cen has done well. She bit off exactly what she could chew and she did it well.

    The Hunt by @hellstorm901

    This is the only first-person narration in the anthology. The best part of the story is the writing. It is smart and sets the tone perfectly; complimented by the few details we have of the world which the characters populate. The characters themselves are complex and the plot gives us their varying motivations, along with the narration which really benefits the main character. The events themselves are unremarkable except for the twist ending, which gets to you just after you think that this is over.

    In all one can say that the quality of the stories went up quite a bit from the last time, which is a thing to take heart from. All the stories have their merits and are essentially good stories with great potential. Lets just do this again sometime soon ;)