So dolphins, beautiful intelligent creatures of the seas or insidious monsters preying upon our humane love of of our fellow mammals?
They are the much beloved stars of movies like Flipper or entertain us with their aquabatical displays. They have garnered a reputation as protectors of foolhardy humans lost at sea, tyrannised by sharks and giant squid. They appear to play and frolic with childish and innocent abandon but are these sly and tricksy beasts deserving of our affections?
Well, in short, no. Dolphins are evil creatures and are set upon a campaign of world domination. They are also quite nasty little monsters.
- Female dolphins who have recently given birth are not interested in mating, since they are spending their time and energy taking care of their new baby. Male dolphins know this…and have been known to kill baby dolphins so that the mother is more interested in mating with them. Baby dolphins, I’ll admit, can be cute. Killing a baby dolphin so that you can sleep with the grieving mom is not cute.
- Dolphins torture and kill baby sharks. While dolphins attacking and sometimes killing adult sharks to protect their babies is understandable, isn’t torturing and killing small animals a sign that you may become a sociopath?
- Like sharks, dolphins are efficient and brutal predators. I’ve never understood why people think that sharks are vicious but dolphins are cute when both have similar diets. Dolphins are, if anything, more clever in how they kill their prey. The only thing protecting us right now is the dolphin lack of opposable thumbs.
- Dolphins practice mating in their family units. Yes, they commit incest.
- Several of the most common marine mammal diseases are sexually transmitted. Come on now, dolphins. Lots of small children idolize you. You aren’t being very good role models.
So, next time you see a dolphin do not think he is cute because he's either plotting against you or trying to get you into bed.
Also, that website above is hilarious...