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  1. Relationship Advice, Tips, & Questions


    #709742014-03-06 03:13:16 *--Jack-- said:

    http://i.imgur.com/gqYDWI1.jpg


    In response to the moderate amounts of threads like this that end up fading away but ask questions like "How do I make him/her love me?", "How can I -relationship goal-". or other love-life/crush-related problems, I made this thread to handle the problem from now on.

    Please ask questions on this thread instead of giving us another thread with no real substance.

    • One, it clutters frontpage with a small thing.
    • Two, more often than not it's a poorly-constructed thread (few tags, just a sentence for OP, etc).
    • Three, It's easier to house all these relatively similar topics in one thread.

    So

    • If you have a legitimate question, want advice about something, or need tips, post your problem here and users can offer help here.

    • If you feel like your question is just ignored (some posts on forums get ignored sometimes) @ Ping Me! It's my thread afterall.

    • If it's particularly private, ask if you can PM your question to just one person. I wouldn't mind that either, really.

    NOTE: Questions that are simply perverted or otherwise irrelevant will be deleted. Ex: How do I get him/her to have sex with me? This is for mental/emotional/social aspects of relationships only.


    Tips From Me (If you care)

    http://i.imgur.com/ITgrpOI.gif

  2. #714532014-03-18 02:31:07--Jack-- said:

    FYI

    I'm going to start bumping this with advice from my own personal experience.

    Feel free to subpost with how you feel, alternate perspectives, agreement or disagreement, as long as its decent.

  3. #714542014-03-18 02:35:31 *--Jack-- said:

    Talking about touchy subjects and/or embarrassing things.

    • When worried about a statement being awkward, preface them. That means explain the feeling your having as you speak. Talk outside of the metaphorical "box" a little. Ex: "I don't know how you'll feel about this, so please know I don't mean to offend you. -Insert the rest of what you're going to say-"

    • When people avoid speaking about everything, it's like making an elastic wall between each other. Sure some things get through, but others may not. And those other things may be really important, serious things that just have an awkward "Shell" around them when you first speak about it. Being in a relationship doesn't mean just talking about good things.

    ALSO: Don't be a jerk. Both people should try and empathize with these things.

  4. #714552014-03-18 02:38:48 *--Jack-- said:

    Handling those little fears

    • When you have worries, especially the irrational ones, let your SO (Significant other) know about them in a way that isn't insane (i.e. preface your concern as you bring it up). Maybe you're worried things are going too fast, or the opposite, or that you wonder if they really care sometimes. Maybe if they're busy a lot you might wonder if they're actually needing space away from you.The point is to not let these little thoughts build over time, because talking through them is not only good to sustain the relationship, but it can bring the two people together with a slightly closer level of trust and understanding.
  5. #714562014-03-18 02:44:18DarkChaplain said:

    I still approve of this thread, and think sharing random (but useful) advice and experience can be both helpful, amusing and generally interesting to read.

    ...if I could think of a nice, short and to the point advice right now, I'd share it, but alas, I don't have anything too specific to offer right now.

  6. #715262014-03-19 05:10:52 *--Jack-- said:

    Gender Roles

    Gender roles are those stereotypical things certain genders are supposedly "meant for" or "Naturally have". Some examples are men having the job, women cooking and cleaning, and so on. But it runs deeper than that. Some gender-role-stereotypes are that men "Constantly think of sex" and that women "Overreact about small things". Simply put--these are silly. Just because you have a certain set of genitals doesn't mean you have these "Rules" to abide by or that you're "inevitably _____".

    I'll even use my Girlfriend and I as an example. I'm not masculine in terms of my attitude or how I get along with her at all. I'm more passive and submissive in terms of how I enjoy and function in a relationship. She's a tomboy, and is more aggressive compared to me. In terms of stereotypes, our gender roles were basically swapped! I'm more feminine than she is! And to top it off, I like it! It seemes cute to me.

    The reason that it's not a problem: is because it's not important~ If you think some one should do something just because they're a man or a woman, thats not only rude, but stupid. However, if you're gender stereotypes are things such as having an income, or cleaning something, don't just claim it's "Not my role" and be lazy. The real goal isn't to swap gender roles, but to share them.

    http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/rolls.png

    EDIT: Don't think you need to completely change your personality to fit in, you just end up making life less-fun for yourself. And being yourself is a good thing.

  7. #715272014-03-19 05:36:22Deftones said:

    Some advice FROM ME:

    • Just hang out and have fun, don't take things so seriously
    • If she's being illogical most women are just tell her she's taking things too seriously and she needs to calm down, relax, watch some god damn adventure time and chill.
    • If that doesn't work and she's still being illogical, stop replying to her, go to the beach and have fun while she furiously texts you and wastes her time.

    none of my relationships last more than 3 months LOL

  8. #715512014-03-19 14:45:22 *UmiYuki said:


    Changing

    One of the biggest mistakes I've seen some of my friends do is change. When you get in a relationship or your aiming to get in one, always be your self. Don't create a false ID that you show in front of them and then pull a 360 because you know have their attention. I would like to think that when they get with you it's because of who you are, though honestly its a chemical in the brain thats makes the body react to the other just to make this less romantic. I'm not saying you cant change your clothing, takes more showers, put on more makeup and etc, just try not to change who you are and how you act because they want you to. Sooner or later someone will bump into you that is just as crazy as you are.


    Attention

    Some men or girls want their partner to change friends, sometimes it is understandable, but today I think I will only cover a small part of this. Most girls are attention seekers, some are doing it the wrong way by whining and hurting themselves but lets not go there. I for one am one. When I get bored with gaming or bored of the internet and my friend, which is my roommate currently, is around I'll go over to them and simply nuzzle their side or lay on them till they notice I'm there and give me some sort of attention. That, I would think, is the innocent way of going about it. However, then there are girls who do it the wrong way, they cry and yell, scream and start fights, thats not healthy for the relationship and the people, animals, around it. Don't tell your partner that you don't want them to hang out with their friends anymore because, 'You go there every weekend and party.' I personally think a guy, or girl, should have that free time to escape the stress, however, always try to make time for them. Take them to get their nails and feet done, shopping, out to dinner or stay at home and watch a movie. Don't just think that because they're allowing you a little bit of freedom you can just forget them.


    Dates

    This one is a pretty easy subject to cover and yet it's really hard for some people to understand. So I'm going to start this one out real slow. Dates don't have to cost money and if they do the best dates can cost not even twenty. Surprised? You should be. When you are taken out to dinner some people expect this huge fancy place with music and great food, a hot butler... or you know waitress. Then they are disappointed to find out they are simply going to the lake or park. They get upset and depressed and their partner feels like they failed, don't do this! This is one of the great ways to end a relationship faster than the speed of light! You don't believe me? Fine, here's a example. A friend of mine had a great boyfriend, he bought her whatever her heart desired, he always helped her out with homework, driving her somewhere, her bills and he was the kindest thing someone could get. Honestly most of us were jealous. She treated him like shit though, she always complained, always wanted to go out to expensive places and etc. So one day he decided to take her to the park, large lake view, the sun just going down, dinner he had cooked sitting on the bench, it was really romantic. She, however, had got dressed up thinking they were going somewhere really expensive, got mad after finding out they were and fought with him. I suppose that he had enough and left her that night. Small things do count! It's like taking a breath of the sweet relationship, forgetting everyone else there and simply knowing they don't need to spend a lot of money on you to love you. This doesn't mean do this every time, a romantic dinner is always nice.


    Second Life

    So... We are onto internet... I am sure at this point Jack will most likely recover everything I'm stating here in more detail but oh well~ Second Life! This means the internet, gaming, role playing and etc. I do all three, the last one not meaning the sexual role play... You pervs. Anyway I have seen where people will date a shit load of people online and one person in real life, when caught they simply say, "The internet is fake, therefore I am not cheating." This is a fucking lie, pardon my French. Though it is true that the internet is something you cant touch, you cant see or feel, it is there and the people on the other side writing, talking and thinking they are together with you are real. Some take it seriously, a little to seriously. I have seen people meet someone online and fly to them just to be with them, that is love, that is affection! Don't just claim you love them and then repeat that to ten other people online, the people you believe that have hearts, they have feelings, and honestly it's a bitch move. Understand the limits. What happens online still effects everyone around you, it sets the mode for the day or night, it help you talk out things with people who will listen, its fun to joke around and be with people who care. It's not right to think you can just abuse it.


    Ending Note

    Think thats everything I can think of... Hope I did this right and explained it~ Lot of Love,
    Umi

  9. #715542014-03-19 15:20:13 *TeruShinozaki said:

    One of the biggest mistakes I've seen some of my friends do is change. When you get in a relationship or your aiming to get in one, always be your self.

    What if your self is just terrible?

    Mistake? I don't think there's any harm in changing. Especially not when it is for the better. But sometimes, when people change for the better, they want and need different things than what they wanted before, and if you can't satisfy that need, letting people go is just the natural course that the relationship will take. One of the biggest mistakes I've seen people do (including myself), is hold on to someone who used to be there, but just isn't anymore.

    I think one of the most beautiful parts of relationships is changing for each other, changing with each other, and through each other. And if you happen to drift apart, then that's just the way it is, but at the end of the day, there was something to be gained from all of it, and you emerged a person different from how you started out.

  10. #715652014-03-19 19:58:55 *UmiYuki said:

    Yes changing your self for the better is great, no problem in that. But if you are simply doing it to fit into something they like because you like them, thats not for a good cause. You can end up hurting your self and the person you're with. You say that change is good and it is, my post isnt directed at that, butif you are changing just to be something your not I dont think its healthy. Changing over time is innocent and changing in a relationship is great, but you shouldn't force a change.

  11. #715662014-03-19 19:59:56DarkChaplain said:

    @UmiYuki & @TeruShinozaki

    I agree with both of you on the changing part. I think the biggest point here though is thinking that you need to change by force to be or remain with somebody. Often enough people try to change themselves to fit into their crush's target scheme. This usually doesn't end well.

    There is nothing wrong with changing itself, though. It is natural, and Tzeentch would be proud of you. The trick is to change naturally, best alongside your partner. And by that I don't mean drifting apart, but improving together, through communication and shared experiences.

    If you feel pressured to change, though, try to talk it out, and if you can't compromise with your partner, try staying true to yourself. If he or she demands you bend yourself out of shape, you might not be in the relationship you want to be in, and while you're likely to try and satisfy your partner, it may hurt you in the long run if you try to lean and bend too much.
    Learn when you need to make concessions to keep your partner happy, and when you are just being a pile of clay for your partner. Also realize when you're being a dickhead by being too firm. A certain amount of flexibility is required when in a relationship.

    Balance, people. That's all there is to it, even if it appears tricky.

  12. #780502014-06-12 06:17:29Momimochi said:

    I'm just going to point out that psychologically and scientifically speaking, most, if not all, people's personalities begin to gravitate towards the person that they have a crush on or that they like. Human nature and instincts. Much like animal instincts.

    People tend to like people who are similar to themselves. Because of that, the human mind is pretty much conditioned to change when it thinks its found the one. And thus begins the courting. The reason for the subconscious change is because of competition. Even though you aren't aware of it yourself, your instincts know that courting is a competition to win that someone over. And the easiest way to do that? Connect well with them. Easiest way to connect? Change your behaviour subtlely so it matches more with your desired partner's. Simple psychology.

    Strictly speaking, the whole "be yourself" thing is pretty much non-existent. Even with friends, the same psychological pattern happens. You just can't help it.

    Also just pointing out the whole "opposite attracts" thing is one in a few million.

  13. #715592014-03-19 16:06:02 *TeruShinozaki said:

    Confessions

    If you like someone, tell them. It saves everybody from all the maddening and pointless mind games. Don't be a pussy. If they even give a fraction of a shit about you and if they really valued your friendship, it won't change anything. Not the conversations, not how they act towards you, nothing.

    http://www.entravity.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/oreimo-7-2-kuroneko-confession.jpg

    Take a cue from Oreimo's Kuroneko. Actually, that could be my ultimate form of life advice for everything ever. Just be Kuroneko. Because she's perfect.

    ALSO!

    When you have a problem with the other party (be it a friend, a lover, or a family member), resolve it immediately and don't ever brush it off, because these things will bubble up inside and intensify over time. Bring it up quick and easy in a calm manner, don't overdramatize anything, don't come off with an intention to pick a fight for the sake of it, but to merely smooth out a bump in your relationship that both of you want to get rid of anyway. And remember to ISOLATE THE PROBLEM! Don't bring past issues to light so that you could reinforce your argument. (E.g. "You did this the other day, so it's not fair that I can't do this!") Keeping score is a really unhealthy habit to maintain in a relationship. It's not a competition and you are not each other's opponents. People hurt each other all the time, sometimes unintentionally, and if you keep getting back at them for things just to be "even", then you will both just keep hurting each other over and over again, when it's not even really necessary.

    I like to pretend that I know things about stuff but I really don't. ( ・ω ・ )

  14. #715602014-03-19 16:59:509mm said:

    When someone, who is completely not of your interest, confesses to you, give an answer asap. Don't drag it for way too long nor just not give an answer. Not giving an answer is the worst thing you can do. The person sometime will wait forever if they have to, because they believe in that small chance that you will say yes.

    "But it's so hard to say no, because I feel bad." That may be the case, but the other person may be devoting most of his time thinking about you. It is a good idea to free him/her from that and have him go back to his normal life.

    It's fine to reject someone.

  15. #727322014-04-07 05:25:22--Jack-- said:

    Sacrifices

    They say relationships aren't all fun and games. This is the truth. If you love someone, but aren't willing to sacrifice things for them, it's a strain on your relationship. Note: Some sacrifices are not reasonable. I'm afraid you have to use your own judgement for this. Ex: You don't get to talk to any guy/girl other than your SO.

    Some sacrifices are really small and it can be rude to ignore these. if you know something bothers your SO a lot, and you only need to make a habit in order to avoid it, do it. A personal example: My Girlfriend is very adventurous with trying new foods, and has a lot of things she likes. Me, I'm terribly picky, and only have a few things I really like to eat. The sacrifice we agreed to make to eachother is: I'll try any food at least once, but if I don't like it, she can't complain. This relatively helps us compromise. And I know I don't like a lot of foods simply because I haven't tried them.

  16. #728332014-04-09 19:22:19Wolfangle said:

    What are some advice for chatting with someone you like? You both want to talk, but no real conversations last. And yes, over the internet

  17. #728342014-04-09 19:28:33 *Gwynn said:

    Talking to someone you like, really means you're just more interested in putting more work into the conversation. The object of your affection should be easy to talk to, as in you share a number of interests. Unfortunatly, being nervous, and young ties the tongue at the worst moments.

    Remember conversation, and trust is give and take. Try to relax, and think of the other person as a friend, and not as a "special someone." I say this because, good long term relationships stand on a strong foundation of friendship and trust.

    I know that's all a little vague, but hopefully still helpful.

  18. #729072014-04-10 13:31:45 *Gwynn said:

    Dealing with tragedy is one of those things that, requires you grow up fast. I bring this up because I have been in a successful relationship for six years, and we've been dealing with a degenerative, painful disease. HID was diagnosed with "some kind of" auto-immune disease, later diagnosed as rheumatoid arthritis. Arthritis can be described as having sand in your joints, resistance to movement, never being comfortable, random pain elsewhere, and the feeling of "being hit by a truck." Ultimately an unknown force stealing your life, and the lives of those around you.

    So why did I go into this on a relationship thread? This experience has changed, and formed my personal views and values, as well as my general thoughts on love. What I've learned is listed here, and there will probably be more later. I'll start with the things I find to be the most important.

    Love is trust, loving someone is being on their team no matter what. I'm talking about the social tropes like: gently mocking your significant other, or venting to friends. Finding ways to subvert your beloved, will put a barrier between the two of you. Watching someone you love experience pain, pain you can't do anything about, is horrible. I experienced it as: feeling as though my body was slow cooking, with a lot of shame and guilt at my own helplessness. I also felt it was important to hide those feelings, my thinking: he's in enough pain. This is another example of building a barrier, and it could have been the end. Mistakes can, thankfully, be talked through, and behavior corrected.

    If we're all honest, no one is perfect, and if someone really cares about who you are, then you can trust them with those deep, dark, quirks and undisclosed desires. This is a two way street; you can also learn what you find acceptable. It takes time to build a rapport, but I haven't found a single thing more valuable in this world.

    Now, to my next most important fact: you have to want the same things in life. You don't have to share everything but the end goal needs to match up. Ask yourself these questions: What do you want from life? What will you leave behind on this planet? Are you satisfied with where you're going?

    Questions like these are ones you have to be honest with yourself about, and you may not be able to answer them yet. Sharing your ideology, ethics, and religion all reinforce your trust, and the need to be on the same team. It doesn't hurt one bit to start a romance as friends.

    I hope this made sense, I'm overdue for sleep, this may get a rewrite.

  19. #740032014-04-24 04:13:56KariYone said:

    Why do I like guys but not girls? This is the biggest relationship problem I have. I'm not gay, so why is that? I am like some kind of tom boy. Not that many guys asked me out and sometimes even I think that I am gay, but... man, I am heterosexual.

    Why is that?

    PS, there are guys who like girls like me, right? I feel so out of place sometimes... Feeling like I'm not a girl and I'm not a guy, like somewhere in between. =T

    But then I did fall for this one guy though... =T

    And my friend told me he's gay... =T

    So problematic... :'(

  20. #740072014-04-24 04:24:49--Jack-- said:

    @KariYone

    Your sexuality is determined by how the brain develops, and has a little tiny bit of help from the influences as you grow up, but not much. We are what we are~

    Hm, so you're a girl and you feel like you may be too "Tom-boy -ish"? Thats nothing to worry about! My girlfriend is way more masculine-acting than I am! Here, go read This post and see if that helps any.

  21. #740092014-04-24 04:31:25KariYone said:

    @--Jack-- Haha... THANKS! I can actually cook decently. It's just that I'm too lazy. As for the guy I have a crush on, he's BEYOND masculine from my eyes. It's just that when I look at myself from other people's POV, I... feel that as if I'm not girly at all. But I'm so girly... I think my mode of thinking would be a little bit masculine, since I'm in science and all... ^^"

    I honestly doubt that dude can even boil water... ="=

    Seriously, he looks BEYOND masculine to me.

    It's just that people kept on saying that he's gay.

    And I'm starting to believe so, too... =T

    My parents are like that too I guess. My dad is beyond masculine but people thinks he's feminine...== my mum too...

    Difference in perspective, eh?

  22. #740162014-04-24 05:57:48DarkChaplain said:

    Being interested in science doesn't make you masculine, though. There are a great lot of scientists who are women, and feminine ones at that. Don't let stereotypes dictate who you are or what you like!

    Honestly, don't worry so much about appearing feminine or masculine - there's a lid for every kettle, sometimes it just takes a bit longer to sort through all the unfitting ones before you find the one that is right for you.
    Heck, there are guys who prefer more "girly", feminine girls, while others swear by tomboyish, tough girls who could easily kick their partner's arse in a brawl.

    Just be patient, and don't despair or think there might be something wrong with you. I highly doubt that is the case. It just didn't click yet, and you didn't stumble upon the right one for you.

    As an aside, you might want to check our User Guide for a few tips, or, alternatively, this thread. Those should help you set up your profile picture and all.

  23. #740362014-04-24 11:59:36Rinneko said:

    The guy you're interested in looks masculine to you, but feminine to others and that is starting to influence you. Am I getting the situation correct? My personal opinion would be to ask him straight out what his sexuality is. What he says will be the truth, and you should believe that and nothing else unless he chooses it. :) What everyone else thinks will just be their perceptions, and nothing to do with you.

    Also, if you feel the need to prove you are girly, you could try and let that side show in front of him more. Just remember to always be yourself though.

  24. #740942014-04-24 17:34:48Kuroba_Loki said:

    I have a lesbian friend that recently got to know a boy friend of mine. They got along great, and after a few months, she came to me and said she wanted to change and be more girly for his taste. I know she can change, but is there I can give her as advice aside from "you can do it"??

    :3

  25. #740962014-04-24 17:57:10 *Ecstasy said:

    @Kuroba_Loki I experienced a similar situation myself. Like first I was more into girls and was trying to go in that direction and then I noticed some guys. Except I was always kinda girly. Anyway, it should come naturally to her, since she IS already a girl, she shouldn't ever force it, otherwise it's going to look fake. She should maybe just try talking to the guy, so that he has an understanding of what's going on and kinda has himself prepared for some possible awkward moments.