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Parent: The Colorless Short Story Anthology: Vol.3: Download and Feedback Thread

  1. #722832014-03-31 18:42:12Kirn said:

    Alright, finally finished. Now, I feel like the stories are about on the same level here, even though very different. So I'd say it would be impossible to really say who is the best here. Still, I may provide some feedback.

    before we start, interesting fact - 3 stories are in a post-apocalyptic setting of sorts. And 3 stories deal with artificial humans. 1 story has both of those elements. Well, let's start.

    @Ecstasy - Posterium.
    Post-apocalyptic story with artificial human there. One thing I can say - there's a lot going on. A lot! And I will support others in saying that the story limits itself by word limit. I mean, there's stuff before war, there's more to know about the metal, there's more to know about how resistance is going... With a lot of things happening you can see the extensive world out there, but the story feels crumpled in a tight space.

    @Kirn - Following Procedure
    Alright idea, I guess. You knew how your story should have went, and you wrote it that way. The main problem here is the style. Your strong points are dialogues, and action, but here dialogues were used mostly just to present characters, and action scene you got was more of a description of an action scene. And you don't do descriptions too well. In the end, it turned out much blander that it should have been. Fun fact though - out of all sci-fi stories here, yours is the only one that is actively about space.

    @Rinneko - Transposition
    Rather interesting concept. Two persons, worlds apart, both probably really mentally unstable in their own respective rights, which provides for such a link. One thing I should say here is that the language was not very easy to follow. Well, at least for me. Another thing, which would be just my personal impression here. This story reminded me of the movie K-Pax, and I kinda hoped that here it also won't be completely revealed if this is real or actually a delusion.

    @--Jack-- - More Machine
    Space mercs. Who doesn't love them, really? This one is solidly written, but I guess the main problem here, which was already pointed out, is inconsistency between the story and the main and final message of it. The merc doesn't really feel like a machine, so android saying that looks... well, plain wrong. Other than that... the story somehow didn't stand out as much for me. No idea why.

    @UmiYuki - Fruit of Knowledge
    In two words - too complex. With complexity falling unto itself. The story of a journey that ends in no real explanation. At least not a coherent one. And without good explanation it's not really as engaging as it could have been. If I was to compare this to something... and I did... this reminded me of the movie AI. There they also had too much of emotions and too little of proper explaining.

    @johan_5179 - Nearsighted
    So, between the first book and this one, it's the second story with detectives on a case. You got a cop fetish, don't you? Actually, I think, this is rather good. You go between the scenes with proper characters and dialogues to cryptic stuff. Last time you had too much of cryptic stuff, this time you are closer to a good balance. I still think the story in the first book was better, but this is pretty good to.

    @Ucui - Artificial Heart
    Nice story here, though this one is also more emotional than anything else. Don't really know what to say. Not really my type of story so I can't judge well. It's well-written... well, maybe dialogues could do with some polishing here and there... but it feels somehow slow in the beginning, and in the end it's kinda fast-forwarded. Uneven pacing? Yes, maybe.

    @hellstorm901 - Final Holdouts
    Solid story, though it makes me question the effectiveness of the army there. They know nothing! At all! Still, the thing here is that this doesn't feel like a sci-fi story at all. This is the army story. Not sci-fi, no. Sure, you have space colony and robots, but you can change them to Africa and any old army drone any time of the day - the meaning of the story, or even the story itself, won't change at all.

    So, that's that. As I said, I can't decide which story I liked the most here. Every story here has something good and something not so good in it. I will say that I wanted to see different ideas, and that I saw. Also, the average quality is quite high here, so good job there!