"I used to have a life before The Colorless"

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  1. The Spooky Story Spectacular 2015 Collaboration [Download & Feedback] Thread!

    #931972015-10-29 23:57:26 *--Jack-- said:


    It is here! And right before Halloween!

    Needless to say I did use anthologies of days past as a template for how to structure the document, and since there were only four it does seem a bit short, but that's not too important.

    And a round of applause for our Participants: @Lieutenant, @Rinneko @Kuroba_Loki and @Ike_no-aishite

  2. #932042015-10-30 02:29:18Lieutenant said:

    Good going everyone! At least we made it even with just 4 stories, better than nothing.

    and let me laugh at my story while I'm at it

  3. #932262015-10-30 14:12:44 *Kirn said:

    Well, even if we are not officially judging stories, doesn't mean I can't be the judge. And I will be. Fuck, I red this thing - actually red it - so right now I can be a fucking axeman for all you writers.

    First of all. There's not a single really scary story out there. Well, that's something to be expected, since it's damn fucking hard to make people jump with fright using only letters. But here's something worse - there's not a single good story out there. Best we have is severely mediocre. And I want to stress again, that I red it all, and you all owe me my wasted time of my life back.

    Well, let's take it on a case-by-case basis.

    The idea itself is not bad. What you need is actually more fleshing out of the surroundings and circumstances. Right now there's really not much being said... So what is missing is some exposition, though you would have trouble adding deep exposition while keeping the 10 y.o. appearance of the story-teller. Which is another thing - transition from 10 y.o. story to reality goes to fast and feels pretty broken. Subtle hints along the way would have been better, but, again, harder. All in all, alright idea, not good implementation, needs adding more writing up.

    Go die in a hole full of poisonous dicks, you fuck, I hate you and everything you do. Your story makes no sense while actually trying to make sense this time, which makes it even worse than the shit you did last time. Also, again, that shite about mentioning Colorless in some way, which is just bad form. And why the fuck this yuri shite, except to provide you with reason to masturbate while writing this crap? Characters act and are retarded, logic is non-existent, writing is just plain fucking bad. Oh, and how about actually making up name for the piece of shit you spawned? Delete the file with this text and burn your computer.

    Pretty much, similar to what Rin has. Mental case, but taken from a different angle. And, unlike her, yours suffers from having too many words in it. Too much of descriptions, too wordy. And, like every participant, you are not writing proper in English, making text harder to read, which also makes the fact that you got a lot of text there worse. I wouldn't advice changing the story, it's actually alright as it is, but you would have to mercilessly cut pieces of it off and switch a lot (90%) of phrases with something that reads better and paints clearer picture if you would want to improve it.

    Okay, did I say that last story was wordy? Fuck, your story is bigger than all those three combined. And it's in Maine... so I had to get some tools to read it. http://wiki.stephen-king.de/images/thumb/6/6e/Stephen-King-Drinking-Game-Kit.jpg/300px-Stephen-King-Drinking-Game-Kit.jpg Well, properly armed, I dragged myself through your story, and let me tell you, you compete with Loki in how much your story sucks. Your story tries for some sense and in much less obviously retarded in its logic, but fuck, first of all, it's just bad. It's bad writing, bad story-telling, bad form, bad style. And it's fucking huge, so reading that was like going through a fucking swamp. Made of shit. You clearly has nothing to say for most part of the story, so you just pile up gore for the sake of gore, but really, it's not grabbing the reader. My advice? Re-do this on 4 pages or less.

    My rankings? Run and Lie share first place, as crappy as it is, Loki and lke share last place, which is also second, which is in the public toilet, which is broken and smells horribly.

  4. #932322015-10-30 18:12:00Mau said:

    If you were a judge you would have been kicked off the panel for bias and favoritism. Are you testing out your Gordon Ramsey costume??

    Oh wait no, you're just being needlessly dickish

  5. #932432015-10-31 10:53:45Rinneko said:

    @Kirn What inspired me to write this was the idea of 'losing innocence by growing up'. I wasn't very sure how to effectively put it into story form, and I'm sure that the way I chose wasn't the best one.

    So what is missing is some exposition, though you would have trouble adding deep exposition while keeping the 10 y.o. appearance of the story-teller.

    That's exactly the problem I had, sadly. :") My descriptions tend to use complicated English; words that a 10 y.o. wouldn't know so it ended up like that.

    transition from 10 y.o. story to reality goes to fast and feels pretty broken

    After re-reading my story, I agree! :) Thanks for bringing it up.

  6. #932442015-10-31 11:00:06 *Rinneko said:


    Good job to everyone who participated: Lieutenant, Kuroba_Loki, and Ike-no-aishite! :) There will always be room for improvement but it's the effort that counts. Thanks, @--Jack--, for organising and compiling these!

    I'm kind of disappointed that the judging didn't carry through in the end, though. I was kind of looking forward to that. Oh, well, we still have Storytime with Tingles to look toward!

    After reading through the compilation, I realised that my story was the least horrific out of the four. Yikes.

  7. #932732015-11-01 09:38:40Kirn said:


    bias and favoritism

    Okay, bias I can get, I am biased on the matter of hating every user out there. But favoritism? Really? For whom?

    Gordon Ramsey costume

    Don't assume, people know your TV start, because I had to google the guy. And it's Ramsay, not Ramsey. And from what I can see, the guy done good for himself, so... thanks for the compliment, I guess?

    you're just being needlessly dickish

    Nothing would make me happier than others actually reading the book and writing their own critical or favorable commentaries. Instead of, you know, complaining that someone actually redthe book and expressed their own opinion.


    No, this is a good advice. Thing is, for my advices for all 4 stories, it's too late for that now, so, obviously, those are advices for writers to use next time in their work.


    You know, this is actually a very common problem. Writing from the children point of view, I mean. I myself had that same problem on previous anthology, I think, where we did supernatural genre, and my story had children in it. And we are, obviously, getting more and more detached from how it is to be a child and what words you even say while being that age.

  8. #932762015-11-01 10:15:06 *Rinneko said:


    And we are, obviously, getting more and more detached from how it is to be a child and what words you even say while being that age.

    Yes, precisely. In one sentence, this is both the idea I wanted to express and the problem faced. :(