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  1. Is it bad to fall in love with an Idol?


    #326942012-07-10 12:58:49 *SchneizelWP said:

    I know it's weird, but for the last 2-3 years, I think I've fallen for a female Idol in Japan. Why do I think I've fallen for her? I'm not really sure, but I even included her in my plans in the future. You guys might think it's stupid and a waste of time, but I never thought of it that way. She's like my ultimate goal in life right now. I also know it's wrong but she became the definition of what's perfect in a girl for me. I've never felt like this to any Idol/Artist before. I know it's bad. I might be even throwing away some possible real life love life because of her.

    Should I just give up on this stupid dream of mine (to be practical in college, earn money, go to japan and pursue her) or just let this be my own personal motivation and hopefully fulfill this overly big dream of mine?

  2. #326962012-07-10 13:03:50SuperMeatBoy said:

    I know your problem, but bro, never give up on her! I also have someone I love, she's almost always out of my reach. But I'll never give up till I'm covered in her bandages!

    What I'm trying to say man, is work and work fucking hard. Anything is possible. Get them bandages and get the girl! Unless she's in another castle.

  3. #326992012-07-10 13:41:05sonanoka said:

    Alright buddy, take a moment and go grab a drink, I'll tackle this one for you.

    There are going to be moments in life where things seem like they're the perfect idea, you suddenly believe that things are all pointing to one direction. It could be true, maybe you did find motivation to do something with your life. Sometimes you need to be realistic about things though, perhaps what you believe just is not practical.

    I had a dream that since I was just a dumb kid that I would one day own a motorcycle, bare with me here. I've already had two jobs now, I'm saving up money and starting to take charge in my life. Learning on the job is fantastic, I'm meeting new people and experiencing new things. I'm doing something that I love and building a future for myself. I don't have a girl in my life yet, but that's fine because things are working out for me so far. Someday I'll find someone special that's worth my time, thanks to the decisions that I'm making right now. You know what I did recently? I've decided that getting a motorcycle would be impractical, sure it would be cool but it's not worth the cost right now. Heck, maybe it's not even right for me, I have a good truck as it is.

    My point being is that you should go ahead and work out your future right now, it'll pay in the end and you will be happier for it. You can enjoy a hobby or enjoy something like an idol without doing something rash like putting your life on hold at such an important time and doing what, going to Japan and learning a new language to win some idol over? I understand that might seem like the right thing to do, I can definitely understand that you really like the idol. But there's a different person off camera, a very different person than you know and possibly love. It's the same thing as falling in love with a manga/anime/videogame character, there's nothing wrong with it, but there's no point in devoting your life into pursuing something unrealistic.

    Life is way to short to get hung up on something like that, find your determination in life a little closer to home, at least get a better foothold on life before traveling.

  4. #327072012-07-10 16:04:44 *T-man said:

    Life also has many roads and branchs I think that everyone will eventually find someone they love but LOVE is a very loose word. Just be sure its real man

  5. #327102012-07-10 16:50:29Izic said:

    A lot of people are gonna call you crazy man. But those people are just as crazy. To fall for someone is crazy. To love someone is crazy. Falling for someone so far away is the same as falling for the girl next door, just more inconvenient. I know I would do anything for the girl of my dreams. And it wouldn't change a thing if she lived on the other side of the globe. In conclusion, its not wrong, but its not whats best either. In the end you'll know what is best.

  6. #327362012-07-10 19:49:33Trev said:

    Let's assume you're straight and reasonably capable of learning a new language.

    There are 3.5 billion women in the world. Using the seven year bracket rule, that puts 10% of them in your reach. That's 350,000,000 of them. Let's say you only want the ones of above average attractiveness. 175,000,000 left, eligible and generally acceptable.

    Why would you get hung up on one?

  7. #327402012-07-10 20:25:14 *Fieyr said:

    @sonanoka Pretty much nailed my thoughts on this one.

    Just to add this:

    Personally, I believe that it's impossible to say that you've fallen for someone until you've actually met them and spent time together. Yes, you can get to know someone online for example, but for me, meeting and spending time has to be requisite to falling in love. There are just too many unknowns.

    Considering that you don't even have the latter type of long distance relationship...and considering the one-sidedness of the love, which in and of itself is unhealthy, combined with the sheer impracticality, I would lean against pursuing this.

    On another note, often with posts like this, the mind of the person asking the question has already been made up. In other words, many times people will create posts like this looking approval/validation/support. I'm not sure if this is the case with you or not.

    If so, my advice would simply be the following (and this applies to any goal you might have):

    As you work towards your goals, constantly ask yourself, "Does this make sense? Is this what's best for me? Is my goal the same as when I started?"

    If the answers to these questions change, you should modify your approach accordingly.

    Best of luck, whatever you decide.

  8. #327582012-07-10 22:40:44Maryam said:

    Honestly, it's ridiculous. I understand if you have a crush on her or something short-term, like many of us do, but to include in her your future plans is quite absurd.

    If you were that sure of your love for her or have confidence that you have any possible chance with her, you don't need our consent nor would you need to broadcast such a thing.

    I know it's weird

    then...

    I also know it's wrong

    what're yo--

    I know it's bad

    why are we here again?

    this stupid dream of mine

    If you have no faith in it, yourself, you can't expect us to.

    You haven't uttered a word to this girl. She has no idea of your existence and probably, for the entire duration of her life, never will. But then again, this is how all relationships start out, with people who do not know each other.

    Change all the things contradicting the immensely minuscule chances of having a relationship with her, then maybe, JUST MAYBE... you'll still probably have disgustingly low chances.

    Saying you only love this girl is eliminating any other possibilities of you finding another significant other. A significant other that will probably be much more down to earth and reasonable for you, than your dream girl will ever be.

    What would your mother say if you asked her this? Irrelevant? Probably.

    You already know the answer to your question, @SchneizelWP , now slowly embrace it.

    In the end, it's your choice, not ours.

  9. #330522012-07-12 11:55:58SchneizelWP said:

    Thank you guys for your support and honest thoughts about this matter! :) I'll try to reply to everyone.


    @SuperMeatBoy Thanks for the support! :D And I hope you get your girl's "bandages" too. xD


    @archangel I actually thought about that. lol. I thought about studying Japanese here and then try to get into a study abroad program to japan. xD


    @sonanoka

    There are going to be moments in life where things seem like they're the perfect idea... Sometimes you need to be realistic about things though, perhaps what you believe just is not practical.

    I really liked what you said there. And I get what you're saying. Also, thanks for that short personal experience of yours. Your words led me to a couple of realizations.


    @T-man Lol, I'm a man who doesn't call just anyone their "best" friend. I must know this person really well before I start labeling the the best. So same in love, I don't fall for just anyone. I try know them better before I actually say I like them. What I'm feeling right now is a little unlikely of me. Which is why I'm confused at the moment and thought to seek advice to fellow strangers. :)


    @Izic

    To fall for someone is crazy. To love someone is crazy.

    I couldn't agree more. Thanks for that last two sentences. :D


    @DarkChaplain

    Seriously, though, you realize that Idols are, well, fake?

    Lol, Well, I think I know that much. xD

    He is falling in love with somebody he never even talked to. That's inherently stupid.

    another lol. yeah, It kinda is. I appreciate you honest opinion! :D


    @Trev That's actually a new way (for me anyways) of thinking not only on this specific topic but mostly everything!

    Why would you get hung up on one?

    I seriously tried to think of the most logical and the most cheesy answer to this. But I couldnt think of any. XD I actually really don't why. But then again, most people do.. have that one person they truly think will make their life happiest.


    @Fieyr

    ...often with posts like this, the mind of the person asking the question has already been made up.

    Actually, I thought I did. But then again, I'm one of those people who are very confused of what to do with their life. I'm very undecided. And this is the first, my FIRST EVER goal that I actually thought was sure and worth putting effort into. The first time I actually felt decided.

    constantly ask yourself, "Does this make sense? Is this what's best for me? Is my goal the same as when I started?"

    :>, Whenever I ask myself those, I sometimes just feel more unsure about my decisions. xD Anyways, Thanks a lot! I'll surely remember those.


    @Maryam

    If you have no faith in it, yourself, you can't expect us to.

    Good Point! I'll try to remember that.

    She has no idea of your existence and probably, for the entire duration of her life, never will. But then again, this is how all relationships start out, with people who do not know each other... maybe, JUST MAYBE... you'll still probably have disgustingly low chances.

    Lol. "DIGUSTINGLY". All of you're saying are true though. I appreciate it! :D

    What would your mother say if you asked her this? Irrelevant? Probably.

    Well, I went to ask people here cuz I don't want to tell any of people that I know about this. xD And since you asked, my mom will probably say "Do what you want to do, just make sure that you won't regret it." Or something along those line of not actually agreeing or disagreeing and making me decide on my own. xD

  10. #331202012-07-13 04:20:29AlphaHikari_1A14 said:

    @SchneizelWP Since you gotten so many intelligent replies so far, I won't say anything on the matter for fear of being stupid. I'm young and really into my teen years, so me giving you advice on romance and your future just doesn't seem right to me.

    I just want to know, after all that, how do you feel now? What are you thinking about your OP at this point? Are you still in love with the idol as you claimed to be? Has any of this actually helped you come to a decision?

  11. #332672012-07-14 11:30:42Serendipity_9 said:

    @SchneizelWP

    It's about 3 am on my side, pure luck that I come across this thread. (also, I apologize if I sound ramblish - can't sleep, but not tired, wat?)

    Schneizel.

    As much as I commend you for your strong emotion, I have to warn you that you are going to make a fubar of a mistake if you choose to go down that path. And please listen, because when it came to matters of the heart, I used to sound exactly like you.

    I'll sum this up into the following sections: 1. Why you're not ready. 2. You need to love yourself before you can love another. 3. My Story.

    1. Why you're not ready. I know that you are NOT READY for any kind of relationship, because you haven't worked on developing yourself. As you say you're "...one of those people who are very confused of what to do with their life." You need to work on finding and strengthening yourself; you need to find out the reason to love yourself - what is it that gives your life value? What is it that you live for? Finding these questions out will in turn develop your values. Values and purpose are important, because when the entire world turns to shit, you will use them keep you alive. You must work on letting yourself grow, whether that be through finishing college, learning the right skills to propel your craft, or even taking time to sit down and really discover who you are.

    Your girlfriend can leave you. Your house and money can be taken away. Your family can die. But the one thing that you have the power over is YOU, and the purpose and beliefs that accompany you. This strength is necessary for everything, but we'll focus on relationships.

    I can tell you from experience that making another person the purpose of your life will not only ruin your life, but it will ruin your partner's as well. What happens if she's sick? Can you be strong enough to be a source of happiness, or will you wallow in tears, wasting every second lamenting on the fact that she might die? What happens if she's mad at you? Will you be the understanding partner listening to the situation and coming up with the right answer, or will you lose your cool and blow your temper in her face? Or worse, become a doormat who solves no problems at all.

    What happens when she does not love you anymore?

    Will you be strong enough to be able to learn from your mistakes and move on with your head held high, Or will you kill yourself because you made her the only reason to live?

    And as a relationship is a two way street, your partner definitely has to like you the same way you like her for a relationship to happen. One way is a no-go, unrequited is a no-go.

    You've never met this idol.

    What if she hates the person that you are?

    How are you gonna deal with that?

    She's never even heard of you, let alone took the time to sit down and talk to you. Chances are, she's got no feelings for you.

    You cannot change a person's mind once it's set, and you sure as hell can't force them to change their feelings. It's all within their control, not yours.

    1. You need to love yourself before you can love another. As a rehash from the first paragraph, find your purpose, know your value, the reasons to love yourself, and grow from there. Confidence later follows suit (And as far as I know, that's a universal plus ;D). If you're a funny guy, celebrate your humor. Intelligent? Damn, get cerebral and let your mind wander. Do you love to help people? Go on and volunteer. Do not be afraid to be the person you are.

    Eventually you will reach that point where you live your life so full of your purpose, and so unafraid to show your true personality that people who are attracted to your type will come. You will start to do things that you know you like, and you'll meet people based on that shared interest.

    What you want to do is focus on becoming the best of who you can believe to be. Not a second-rate imitation of what others want you to be.

    1. My Story So you want to know what happens when a person becomes your purpose? (I gotta be vague on some details for personal reasons, and this is kinda the tl;dr version.)

    A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I used to be in what I thought was the best relationship ever, with the person whom I thought to be the epitome of perfection. The first 2 years were amazing.

    Until one day, my partner got sick. For the longest, doctors hadn't had a clue what was going on. And all I could do was see her suffer. It wasn't until later on that they discovered that her lungs got torn up by [redacted], which was incubating for months.

    I caught it too.

    Thankfully, it was at an early stage, so treatment was not that intense.

    The Dept. of Health called for a screening at our school, and she was put in quarantine. By that time, our relationship deteriorated. Both of us were guilty of letting it die.

    During her year in quarantine, she told me she wanted to have a break. So I agreed, naively believing that things would be the same when she returned. In that time, I was a wreck. A sad sack o' shit of an excuse of a human. An opportunity came my way where I was chosen to take a semester in D.C., working as a page for our Congressman. I would be in the presence of the law-making process that stretches over the lives of millions of people. Additionally, you practically had a hand-pick to any college when you finished.

    I was so caught up with not seeing her, I refused the offer, and passed it along to the next student in line.

    I waited for her to come back.

    She did.

    And acted like we never happened.

    In that time when she was under quarantine, she moved on from me. I had to split from everyone I knew, mostly because they were her friends first. And in that same time where I refused to study in D.C., she'd accepted a trip to the East for a college scouting program.

    I don't hate her, and I don't blame her. The situation became so fubar'd that it was necessary to look out for yourself.

    In that time, where I was at my most low (a lot of shit I'm leaving out, involving police, suspensions, mandates to see doctors, etc), I knew I had to patch myself up. I took well to Biology, and I discovered that I had a pretty awesome knack for medicine [ended up getting a 5/5 on AP Bio, 760/800 on the Molecular Bio SAT, wooticles!]. Later on, I found out that I loved to help people, and that I'm happiest when I am capable of helping. It was connecting biology my love of helping that I discovered my purpose. I knew that if I let anything destroy me, if I let myself go, I would be doing a disservice to the 1000's of others I can potentially save in the future.

    I found a reason to love myself.

    Things have become much better now. Since then, I've been through a lot a shit, but I've found so much strength in my purpose that people call on me to fix things when shit hits the fan. I've been through more heartbreak after that relationship, but they don't phase me as bad anymore. I learned how to be able to handle moving on (It's not painless, for sure DX). I'm attending a great college (studying Human Biology in the Pre-Med program), and I just got NREMT-certified last week as an Emergency Medical Responder.

    Haha, and it's been about 5-6 years since we spoke, but I know she's doing well in the east from friends who mention her.

    Long story short: Focus on living your life, discover your purpose, and become the best person that you can ever imagine yourself to be. And I promise, you'll find someone who'll love you for who you exactly are.

  12. #333862012-07-15 09:28:34SchneizelWP said:

    @AlphaHikari_1A14 You know, it's not that easy to decide. xD Still right now, I'm confused of what to do. This has definitely helped me think about things that I've completely overlooked, but not really decide. It's hard to give up specially cuz it's my first ultimate goal. I've been completely open everyone and I completely appreciate every single post. :D


    @Serendipity_9 THANK YOU! I will for sure treasure your words of wisdom and definitely look back to them in the future. :) I'm really glad you took the time to write that post and even include your personal experience to share. This might not be sufficient enough for a reply comparing to how thoughtful your post was, but I really appreciate your post.:D Thanks again.


    @Hika Errrr. I don't even know if I should, but here : http://img.yaplog.jp/img/17/pc/l/p/-/lp-k-umika/1/1297.jpg

  13. #729672014-04-11 13:27:02naung said:

    Me too!!!! same problem..i m not a big fan of anything. i don't know much about apop or kpop but i think i m seriously fall in love with a kpop guy :'( . But i wanna become an idol as well. I know exactly how it is feel man, its ridiculous that is why i such on Google n got to this page

  14. #729682014-04-11 13:31:15DarkChaplain said:

    ....you've got to be kidding me....

    Locking this. This thread is almost two years old, and was... "silly" (to put it gently) even back then...