ATTENTION: EAST COAST AMERI-FATS. CANADIAN IS HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY
Alright, now that's over and done with. I left for a trip around the East Coast, more or less against my will, on Thursday. To "take in the culture" and the "atmosphere", they said. Well so far the only culture I've seen is black people shanking the bitch out of each other at the airport and the only atmosphere was mutated rabbits with 3 ears from all the fucking smog in Philly. So prepare your anus for a GOOD WEEK of ranting from a West Coaster with maybe a short break for when I cross the 49th in to Canada for a few days in T.O. and QC, depending on how good the poutine is and my mood.
So let's get started. I left on Thursday morning for Seattle, fucked around and went shopping and shit, then got to Sea-Tac for a red-eye flight to Chicago O'Hare.
Sea-Tac sucks. Straight up. Alright, there's modern architecture, then there's that kind of modern architecture. It look like some architect from the 80's ate too much concrete and took a huge shit on I-5. Terrible-looking building. No creativity, no personality to it at all. Plus the TSA was being a bitch and I actually got pat-searched because that bitch of an agent couldn't tell the difference between nitroglycerin from hand soap and nitro from explosives. Fucking bitch. Also I'm Asian. And looked like a hipster while going through security. I assure you I didn't have a turban on.
Although Sea-Tac sucks, I've been to Seattle lots of times, and it's otherwise a pleasant city. Went to the outdoor sculpture gallery, market, boardwalk. All was good fun. Reminded me of home. Downtown was clean, roads were kinda confusing but the suburbs were well-organized and tidy. Good city. 7.5/10 overall, would go again.
Alright, then I got to Chicago. I'll only be reviewing the airport because it was just a stopover on the way to Philly. Had to wait from 4-around 9am because some bitch at United was just "so sorry" that she couldn't find a better flight with less time in between. When I got off at O'Hare I was like "fuck that's a lot of Afros". And then I thought "I wonder if @ponta or @PigBoss might be around" but then was like "ahahahaha fuck that they're probably too busy being shanked." But TBH, it was an alright airport. Had nothing to do any way and so I ascertained that it was built with the good kind of modern architecture. Lots of steel and glass, but it still retained a good character, and there were some interesting explorations of Chicago's personality within some corridors as well. So then I thought "hey maybe the East Coast won't be so bad."
Then I got to Philly. Fucking Philly. It smelled and was humid, like Hawaii except worse. 'cause instead of natives, there were BLACK PEOPLE AND WHITE TRASH. This is where I saw the rabbit (not really). Damn, fucking glad I was only there to pick up a rental car (with a licence plate from NJ, LMBO). Oh yea, and about the architecture. This time it's the ENTIRE CITY that looks like it was some guy's shit. Except EVEN OLDER than Sea-Tac. As in: "hey, I'm going to get high, go protest the 'Nam war, then eat this sack of concrete and take a shit on I-95" old. Suck it.
Alright, then we drove down to DC, around where I am writing this now. Actually DC's pretty fine. If you think that the only relevant part is the National Mall, because that's what it pretty much is. Other wise it's pre' much the same deal as Philly. Straight up. Once you get out of that grassy area where all the old white guys make their decisions and pass all the museums, it looks like the suburbs of Paris has a baby with the ghettos of Shanghai. Except it doesn't look as avart-garde as you might think it would be.
So, yea. Moving on North tomorrow. Can't wait to get back home, legit.