Re-Opening Closed Wounds
I've been pretty upset lately. Not depressed, just...upset and hurt.
I was in a relationship that I truly was happy with. But... I guess the guy didn't. He dumped me. Well after crying my eyes out he took me back. I was so happy. I was willing to change so much about my self. We were laughing, horsing around like we used to...cuddling and every thing... Then..a week later on my birthday weekend...he dumps me... again. I guess it hurt a bit more seeing as I thought we were both happy and that I still had not fully recovered from the first breakup.
I mean if I looked back 4 days from today, we were so happy. We were playing in the rain, cuddling, holding one anther...and then...just the other day I got dumped. It hurts pretty bad. He told me he took me back because he acted out of the heat of the moment with emotions. I can't believe I took him back... but he was the only person who made me feel protected. I never get held or told I love you and my previous boyfriend was mentally abusive, ask Darci. :c
I guess I'm just sour and bitter about everything... He told me that our relationship was the happiest he ever had...so why did he end it? He told me family problems. That was the first reason he dumped me. I know about his family... I was trying with all my might to have him lean on me. I told him he could cry on my shoulder, he could vent to me...But he never did. He never took my hand when I reached out to help him... Maybe I wasn't strong enough...maybe he didn't see me as someone to keep and I was dead weight to him. Who knows.
But he's never been on the receiving end of a breakup. He doesn't know what it's like to love someone and then have that person turn around and just leave you... I wonder if I have even crossed his mind even for a moment...I wonder if he even misses us. He told me, the night that he took me back after hugging me and crying, that the world can't be that bad if he had me. I was in love with him. I thought he loved me too... He sure acted like he did but I guess not..
He told me he would hold me in the fall..we'd cuddle in a pile of leaves...and that we'd build an igloo together... I was looking forward to all the promises he made... and he didn't keep any of them... Not one... Not even the promise that he made me about my birthday weekend. He told me he would take me out on a picnic and we would spend the day together. But instead he broke up with me on the promised day. Best birthday present ever. Didn't help that not even my own family remembered so I spent this birthday alone with a tear burned face. Lovely.
We both agreed to going back to being best friends like we were before all this. But what I'm scared of is that nothing will be 100 percent the same.
I'm also thinking about that when his family matters are settled...he'll find someone new...and they will be happy forever...unlike us because our relationship was just bad timing in his life. He wont take me back a 3rd time...
I just feel...a bit dead on the inside and a little numb to everything.
I just think I might have been dead weight to him...
Why did he take me back..? Why did I say yes..? Why do I still even care about him...? It hurts a lot...
Feel free to share what's been bothering you personally on here as well so I don't look like the only whiny bitch.