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  1. New Project: The Changing of the Guard

    http://dotq.org/2012/01/08/the-changing-of-the-guard-first-watch
    #5353 • 2012-01-09 06:24:04 * • lolikitsune said:

    So, as of today, a new writing project of mine is running on my site, Dreams of the Quill. The project is entitled The Changing of the Guard, and is kinda-fantasy, with some romance, philosophy, politics, and other wholesome themes, with a heavy dose of dystopia and strife.

    Check it out, and feel free to tear it apart. I live for feedback.

    http://dotq.org/the-changing-of-the-guard-first-watch

    Only the first chapter is up right now. New chapters will come out on Sunday every two weeks.

  3. #5795 • 2012-01-11 05:41:14 • JoJoBird said:

    I really like this, I cannot wait to read the rest, such a cliffhanger lol. What are(if any) your inspirations for this story?

  4. #5796 • 2012-01-11 05:56:55 • kosuke said:

    As a fellow writer, I loved your descriptiveness and your vocabulary. The story is set very well and the characters are intruiging so far.

    The only thing I would say is that the structure of the paragraphs and dialogue is a little off. There are also certain areas that need grammatical revision. None of this takes away from the story, though.

    I look forward to reading more!

  5. #5931 • 2012-01-11 22:21:31 • lolikitsune said:

    @JoJoBird: Thanks for the kind comment. More will be out on the 22nd. As for my inspirations... I don't expect it to get preachy or heavy-handed, but on a thematic level I'm aiming to weave in some messages about gender, economics, and social equality. On an aesthetic level, I've always loved fantasy or semi-fantasy settings, and I can't pinpoint the origin of that love. This isn't your ordinary medieval fantasy, as should be more or less clear either now or shortly, and I'd say Game of Thrones has been instrumental in guiding the grittiness, though I'm not headed in its direction culturally.

    @kosukechan: As above, thank you for the kind words. And the critical ones! Those are far more useful. If it's not a huge drag for you—simple paragraph citations should do the job—would you mind pointing out places that need work? I don't need line-by-line, and I won't ask that of you, but if you happen to be reading, happen to notice a rough place, and happen to make note of it: mucho 'ppreciated!

    Thanks again guys. Having you read this means the world to me. I hope that future installments don't disappoint!

  6. #5942 • 2012-01-11 23:05:47 • kosuke said:

    Well, one thing that would make it slightly easier to read is spacing between dialogue and paragraphs. Indentation would also help but I realize some websites don't allow indentation.

    As for grammar: The brief spring rains had left it stinking of rotting plant matter, and only today after weeks of ripe wafting had Watch put up resources to deal with it. <--- you don't really need a comma then the word "and".

    You can either just use the word and or use a semicolon (which in this case would probably be best): The brief spring rains had left it stinking of rotting plant matter; only today after weeks of ripe wafting had Watch put up resources to deal with it.

    I noticed this a lot throughout it. That was the main issue I had with grammar (you are comma crazy :P).

    Anyway, hope this helped! I will definitely be keeping tabs on the story to see how it goes.

  7. #5945 • 2012-01-11 23:39:26 • lolikitsune said:

    Oh snap, there should be linebreaks between each paragraph! Are those not showing up?

    As for commas, at least in your example the comma is grammatically necessary. A semicolon would work, but "and" with no comma would be incorrect. You think I should use more semicolons? It's largely a question of style, but I value your input.

  8. #6254 • 2012-01-13 17:11:15 • lolikitsune said:

    Wow. Yeah. The formatting of my post was lost when I made the smart decision to edit it on my smartphone. Linebreaks restored. Should be more legible now. :[

  9. #8168 • 2012-01-23 06:03:01 * • lolikitsune said:

    Alright everyone! @JoJoBird, @kosukechan, whoever else is following this thread: chapter 2 is up!

    http://dotq.org/2012/01/22/the-changing-of-the-guard-second-watch/2

    There are extensive release notes accompanying this chapter. I would advise reading the chapter before the notes, for fear of spoilers, if you're the kind of person who dislikes spoilers. The notes contain rambling artist's-statement-like stuff. Might be interesting though.

    Anyway I hope you enjoy, and again, feedback (both positive and negative) welcomed!

  10. #8206 • 2012-01-23 09:03:25 • JoJoBird said:

    Thanks for updating, and mentioning me. Lol at "Meat'n'Men, I'm a little confused about "sausage had fainted" it sounds like an innuendo of some sort but a very odd one as it was random and unrelated to anybody.

    Great stuff, I do like your approach of subtle descriptions, lets me imagine the descriptions you do give simpler, sometimes too much descriptions kill the story (The Scarlet Letter for me). I found some oddly worded sentences in my opinion such as "Watch was a headless chicken, black leather suits scurrying this way and that through the masses." not sure why it sounds odd to me I understand it though.

    I am urgently waiting for what is next, and how it will progress. Your notes have intrigued me as well.

  11. #8257 • 2012-01-23 16:48:19 • lolikitsune said:

    @JoJoBird: Wow, urgently?? I better speed up time! Thank you for the enthusiasm, it's really encouraging. 'Sausage' is supposed to be slang for male prostitute -- but it's a failure of mine that you didn't get that.

  12. #8266 • 2012-01-23 17:19:50 • JoJoBird said:

    Aah,that makes sense.I'venever heard it used like that before. Lol when I say urgently I don't mean hastily finish up, do it on you own time.

  20. #20665 • 2012-04-02 17:28:29 • lolikitsune said:

    @kosukechan, @JoJoBird, anyone else following this thread:

    Chapter 7 is up, and it's a refreshing change of pace. We've got a new one-shot point-of-view this time around, and while simple, I hope it's entertaining. And enlightening. We see the city, and some of the events that have taken place so far, from another angle. In another light.

    http://dotq.org/2012/04/01/the-changing-of-the-guard-seventh-watch/2

    Release notes are really spare this time around, but I hope the chapter itself makes up for that. Enjoy and, as always, your comments and criticism are welcome & appreciated!

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