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99th percentile

"Believe me, if I started murdering people, there'd be none of you left" - Charles Manson

alt textShovel from Hell badge by @OneDollar

Twice moderator, twice retired, four times permanently banned. All posts before 17.11.2012 were deleted by previous administration. Wielder of the Blood-Stained Shovel and the local sick evil fuck. Owner of the CL News, oldfag, terrorist, slayer of admins, veteran lurker and the person who gets things done no matter how many people would die in the process. Approach at your own risk.

Art by @Shirosuke Art by @TeruShinozaki Art by @Izukio, background and blood by @Kiboune Art by @Lieutenant Art by @Ecstasy

Kirn joined on May 4th, 2010, since that has made 1396 posts that are still accessible today, 58 of which are threads. Helping shape the community, Kirn has given 1751 upvotes, and was last online on Jul 24th, 2015.

  • In Weird World News

    Okay, this is borderline NSFW, but there are no dirty pictures that comes with the article (thank god for that, just imagining this...), and it's an article from the Guardian, so here goes.

    KGoal: introducing the fitness tracker for your vagina

    It can already stream the internet straight to your face, vibrate around your waist when you're slouching and track your health using only your wrist. Now, wearable technology is getting even more intimate and attempting to conquer the final frontier: the vagina.

    Okay!? There's now a kickstarted smartphone app and measuring tool for your vagina. I... I really can't find any comments to this. 'Congratulations', maybe. You know how iPhones already got all of yours fingerprints, and how Chrome tracks in real time what mouse movements you make? Well, now your vagina's full measurements can be tracked in real time too. I... I may reach some new level of despair for humanity, really.

    By flashing its pink light, vibrating and charting your progress on the app – soon to come complete with games – the KGoal aims to change all that. β€œIt's like having a gym, a physical therapist and a tracking system in the palm of your hand,” says Lee. Or inside your vagina, as the case may be.

    So yeah. There will be a fitness trainer inside your vagina now. Soon with games... With games, for crying out loud...

    This is what we do instead of exploring space, folks.

  • In How many tourists Ukraine will get this year?

    I have to mention this - some days ago I finally saw vandalisation of an election poster for one of the current 'ruling' parties. This one was actually more severe - someone threw a huge rock at the picture of Timoshenko, shattering the glass of the stand completely. So, it seems, we are well into the election race now.
    I kinda don't want to know the results of that election though. When we had presidential election, that made Poroshenko president, the turnout of votes was the lowest ever recorded in the country. Today even more people would be likely to despair about elections even changing anything, plus, now that not just Crimea alone, but the whole 3 huge regions went away from Ukraine, majority of votes would be obviously from the western part of the country. I guess, we'll wait and see, but nobody I know is expecting anything good.

    While this is going, Poroshenko announced that our Minister of Defence (that idiot who claims that Russia nukes us) will be relieved. And Poroshenko proposed for that post a general who is now a leader of all the national guard battalions. As 'national guard' is what local fascists now call themselves, I can't expect anything good from that proposal. Well, there may certainly be much less retardness.
    Reasonably speaking, after this, Ukraine army may start acting more coherently, though by now it's already in a horrible state, and I am not sure if it would be able to recover even with a good commander, if that guy is any good. Not that I would mind if the army that we have now would remain inept.

    Speaking of army. After separatists took Donetsk airport, Ukraine army is now constantly trying to take it back again. For now situation is reversed, with Donetsk forces holding strong, and army failing their attempts. Obviously, Ukraine army got much better artillery cover still for the attack, but most of the reports I read tell that they lose a lot of people trying to retake that place.

    Actually, Ukrainian armed forces are not happy with how all this is going. There was an occasion this week of a few hundred of national guard forces leaving the combat zone and going to Kiev, where they protested against long terms of service. Apparently, they were supposed to serve for a year, but with Ukraine needing as many soldiers as it can have, they had to serve 1.5 years already, so that's what they were protesting.
    At this moment I am not sure what happened to those soldiers - were some of them arrested, were they talked to and returned to combat zone, or anything else.

    Some positive news. Poroshenko signed a document giving 'some regions of Donbass' special status. This is a nice step, though, with situation being as it is, one can't be sure if this will even be noticeable. I would say, that if fighting won't stop, nothing would be changed. However, if there actually will be a peaceful solution to this whole situation, and if for some reason Donetsk and Lugansk would stay as part of Ukraine - such document would come in handy. For now... probably not so much.

  • In Which Games Are You Currently Playing?

    Oh, this is out already? I saw the trailer and wanted to try it out.

  • In How do you want to DIE?

    Really, bringing that silliness out of the thread where it belongs?...

  • In How do you want to DIE?

    @Ecstasy well, I would relish the idea of them suffering, but really, people should just be killed, and we can't dilly-dally about it!


    You certainly might not.

    Actually, wrong. Back in the day, in Norse mythology, people had a firm belief that the only way to go to a good place after you die - is to die in glorious battle, killing a lot of people. Now, granted, by Norse standards, bombing a lot of people wouldn't cut it - I'd have to kill them all with a sword, axe or shovel and then get shot by a police or something... But that example does prove that you actually may (and, at some point, was supposed to) take as many people with you as you can.

  • In The English Thread

    haven't found any articles on exactly that topic, except for a monologue made by George Carlin. But some of you you just cant help but notice.

    There are a lot of words in English with many meanings. And some of those double (or more) meanings words have some meanings that are perfectly fine, and some that are rude or dirty.

    Like the word 'ass'. It is a rude way to say 'butt', but it's also a perfectly fine word for donkey.
    Also, as an extremely easy example, 'pussy'. Which is a great word, because I like cats.

    However, the example I still laugh about is...

    As you know, 'snatch', when used as a verb, is a synonym to 'grab'. However, if used as a noun, it can be a slang name for a vagina.
    Now, if you saw the movie, you know that they swear like motherfuckers there, so one of translators translated the name of the movie in Russian in a quite vulgar way, to represent that very dirty meaning (and hey, we had just a word for that, lucky us!). So, since that time, when I see this word, first of all I think of the most vulgar way to think it, even if it's a verb...

    Funny thing is... I heard all those words and more in children cartoons - Disney, Pixar and others.

    Makes one wonder, did they just not think about double meanings, figuring that kids wouldn't know those anyways, or if they wanted to prepare children for the adult world, full of dirty language nuances.

  • In The English Thread

    So very true...

  • In Which Games Are You Currently Playing?

    Just finished another game today. Ryse: Son of Rome.

    This game is an third-person action with some small tactical elements. Game has big emphasis on quick-time events and is set in the setting of Roman Empire during the rule of emperor Nero. With some mystical elements. The story of the game tells of a Roman legionnaire, sent to Britain to fight barbarians there.

    I will tell the truth right here - the gameplay is really simple, and quite repetitive. You got your standard buttons - attack, lock, break block and dodge. As well as directional buttons and button for interacting with staff or initiating special moves. And that's it. You soften up your enemies, until they don't have much health left, then you execute them with glorious moves. Moves do look glorious - limbs are cut off, throats are slit, faces are broken with your shield bashes. Along the way you get more experience, which allows you to get more health, inventory (used only for storing projectiles) and bigger variety of finishing moves.
    Additionally, at times you will be fighting alongside with other Roman soldiers. Sometimes you would have to finish your own objective while the regiment holds the line, at times you cover for them with pilums or scorpio siege crossbow. There are occasions when you decide what will they do - will archers cover you, or will you send them to another flank, for example. Most fun are instances, where you lead the formation against enemy archers, blocking arrows with shields when needed and attacking back.
    Action is fast-paced, and challenging at times, when you are surrounded by many enemies. However, it does get repetitive after a while, there's just no way going around that. Good thing is, game is not long at all. There are something like 8 or so chapters, and each can be finished in under an hour, or even less for some of them. All in all, gemaplay gets tiring and tedious on later stages, but not enough to make you drop the game, which is good enough.

    Game itself is quite beautiful. You visit Rome, you tour England, you go into the darkest pagan woods and you will fight in the Coliseum. All in all, it's a good range of locations, with a lot of detail. Levels are absolutely linear, though, but very nice looking nonetheless. Fighting is also very well made, though, obviously, with finishing moves being scripted, there are unavoidable instances of textures going one over another. Still, I rather liked how combat animations were made. Game is mostly about just timing the button presses right, but reaction to that looks fluid and correct. Also, speaking about combat, it's really unusual to get a hero who's fighting with a shield, so that really ads more flavour to the whole deal.

    I also liked the story. It's not too complex - a tale of revenge can't be too complicated - but it's nice even so. Some characters are overly grotesque (evil characters, obviously). I have to say this, and this will be a spoiler, but there is no love story of any kind. Hell, there's even no sex involved, which is something we now are accustomed to see in a tale of a fighting hero. Nope, not here. There's one female character, which you fight at first... and she does not become a love interest - she actually fights you even more, with a vengeance. Which is a very nice touch, and something we rarely see.
    Also, what is a nice touch, is a humanity of a main character. What I mean is, with games like God of War and DmC we are used to characters who can kill gods and jump over buildings. Here we control one - extremely brutal and skilled - man. And during the game, while there's a lot of epic fighting going on, there's nothing supernatural or superhuman in what he does. Well, there is one story-point, and there's the very final stretch of the game, which I won't spoil and which go beyond the range of what human can take, but first occasion has reasons for that, and second end is a very logical manner. All I can say really, to not spoil anything more.

    So. Ryse is not a ground breaking game at all. However, it's a good solid game, which is to be recommended to anyone who wants to relax by brutally killing a lot of people. You know what they say - join the Roman legion, go see the world.

  • In Relationship Advice, Tips, & Questions

    @Lieutenant well, I can only speak from my own experience. But if you love a person, you would probably try to hold on to that person no matter how painful it gradually gets... And it does get very painful. At least that's what I did, up to the point of things becoming as unbearable as they could. it hurts a lot after too, though you feel better knowing you suffered but tried to hold on, instead of just taking easy way and letting go. Then again, letting go could probably be simpler and more rational decision. And if one knows that there's nothing one can do to actually recover things... who knows, maybe that's the better choice.

  • In The Grand #GamerGate Thread

    Oh, don't worry, I am not joining this group for all the obvious reasons. Hey, I don't have a twitter, which seems to be a must to apply. In fact, I pretty much stated my opinion on the matter on this thread, a number of times already, so anything more would really be just going in circles.
    I just hope readers here will know better than to dismiss an opinion that doesn't unconditionally support what they support.