Hello wolfy, this is jack speaking on your profile page.
I really love @DictatorHilton
"Men of profound sorrow give themselves away when they are happy: they have a way of grasping happiness as if they wanted to crush and smother it, from jealousy - alas, they know too well that it will flee away."
Wolfangle joined on May 18th, 2011, since that has made 1220 posts that are still accessible today, 40 of which are threads. Helping shape the community, Wolfangle has given 2232 upvotes, and was last online on May 20th, 2018.
3 Vents in 1 day, what up! I feel like im stuck between a good and really bad situation. But it's not to say the good out ways the bad, even tho the opportunity is something to look forward to. Right now I'm currently under a lot of stresses. And in one department of that, I'm losing my mind, & that's not in a figurative sense. Yes, I am going to Norway for 2 months while struggling with personal finance. No I will not get support for this. No it's not a good idea to stay behind in America due to family tensions & my issue with my mind. I have a limited time to figure things out. But i hope something works out in the end.. Before I end at least
But despite anything I say, I'm just a disappointment..It seems like everything I do or try to bring everyone together just ruins the efforts. I'm just not worth being a son. And the idea of showing emotion to needy ones is a childish act. The idea of standing up for what i think is right does not belong if you dont consider yourself or the actions done by those prior to you to get to this point...
"Maybe I shouldn't be your father"
Those words hurt to the bone.. But in glad i have the composure and strength to get up from those words. Or at least not be ruined completely by them.
My dog died this past Sunday.. He was drowning above ground for hours after something happened to his lungs and fluids started filling them up. I watched him struggle and stuck by him even after the vets tried to put him down. Tried, because he kept fighting to stay up even after the sleeping meds & poison tried to put him down.
Ignore the stuff below, i was in a mood while writing that. And didn't feel like writing the rest of it.
Most people assume that the death of a dog is no big deal. "You'll get over it in the next few days", they say. Or they assume you can't handle much when your only complaint of of a dog. It sucks, cause they're wrong about that. Living through harder times doesn't mean that each one is less sympathizing. One of my first memories is of someone drowning at a beach, a front row ticket to the show. I'm seen a lot of people die. But besides that point. If someone is close to you, regardless if a person or a pet. That shit hurts. Especially when the people around you had no cause to alarm when they saw this happen. Or the times prior to prevent this. That day i was pretty furious tbh. My schizophrenia was out of control that day, and i was super close to hurting someone or myself or something to ease the pain of my mind spiraling out of control.
But instead of that, on a hot day at a nice. My dog takes a dip in the pond/lake and after a bit starts gagging. We thought a little bit of water went on the wrong side of his throat or that he was just too excited that he couldn't breathe right for a moment. Till it got worse & he started panicking, losing strength, mouth & tongue turning blue & gray. Its not fun. Even less fun when everyone refuses to help, cause taking him to a vet requires a small amount of cash to check if something's up or that his fur or slobber would ruin the cars. And then having the nerv to fight off the vets, but they're to blame too looking like they cant help till you give them the cash. Or that cpr is an added thing and we cant save them till you pay them. This world runs on money like it's their blood.
@DictatorHilton C-Can I be the father
I really hate that I have a thing for reading people's emotions from just looking at them. Just a few weeks ago i had an hour long mental breakdown-ish argument with my father among personal issues. Besides that, the change in the people close to me are somewhat gone, and i'd like to think my parents have stopped 'secretly' fighting after years, but they can't fool anyone. Even on a peaceful day like this, where it's been good the past 2 weeks. My brother's heading to Norway to see his girl, I'd assume things could get better. But when you look at their faces and see that there's still tension or the colors, stress, moisture in their eyes. It's like.. You can fix a glass as much as you want with tape and glue. But in the end it's still broken. And you can still be provided by that glass cup. It might be your favorite cup. But eventually you might get cut from a rare edge in someway or another.
Making this thread like the series of the venting & happiness thread. I feel like I can't really move on with the bad things in my head, good or bad. It makes sense to just let it out sometimes. And on a personal side, knowing most for you guys for 7 years+ Why shouldn't I be more open than I already am. I'm also gonna say all this with a smile on my face cause although some confessions can be bad, there's always time for improvement!
So here we go.
Most people know me as a terrible saver...Spender.. Who cares. Normally I'm fine once I have enough money in my bank account & my serious saving side kicks in like a responsible adult, but with all the unforeseen occurrences in the past few months. It's been rather shit :'D I spend money on people, too much & too often. More like the past few pay checks I've spent almost half to donating to people. Saying this with the shakiness in my hands as I type, I love making people happy or giving them a sudden smile from something unexpected. But it's just ruining me as I do it.
I feel like it's a sense to cope for the lack of comfort I've felt lately. People pay attention to you when you give them something. But how much of that is actually true or "worth it"? It's more than a bad habit and I'm stupid as fuck :') But nows the time to stop it.
I AM LONELY AS FUCK, IVE GOT A BAD HABIT FOR SOME BAD STUFF RN, AND IDK, I TOOK MODALERT SO IM HYPE BUT IM ALSO LOST AND JUST LIKE. LIKE THERE'S NO ONE TO VIBE WITH RIGHT NOW. AND AS A STRONG INDIVIDUAL ITS HARD TO EXPRESS THIS WHEN YOU'RE THE STABLE SHOULDER PEOPLE REST THEIR HEADS ON. IM JUST.. UGH. AND I SAY THIS WITH A PATHETIC SMILE ON MY FACE
At one point the funding for this site will end, and so will all the memories we'd look back on. It'd be like destroying some bad memory that you had fun with. Like a terrible drug past but remembering the bad influence of good friends you had during that time. Hold close to the ones that you gained, eventually let go of the past & continue. There will always be something new to drive us on if not CL
Found like the perfect girl a few weeks ago, right when she gets back with her ex. Soo that sucks & has a weird lingering feeling cause she's like a crush I cant have. Plus I was too sick to work today. Meaning tomorrow's gonna be stressful af